Well, bye.
we would say well and then "blank" but
we've chosen to do the usual thing and just -
bye.
I'll miss you! I ripped the skin off my knuckle
and woke to the sharpness of old blood
in my nose
before I would type in one place and then in another
but now i just do the other, this.
I'll miss you!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
lockets
I enclose a window just for your face. There are lockets all over my body.
In my railroad skeleton you perch at your position on my spine. If each archive of every person i have known perches on my spine, like birds on trees-limbs, than the weight is unbearable. Who carries a spine of birds? Who holds on to each weighty chirp and forgets goodbye?
I’ll Carry With Me
Ever-lovin’ paw print
Ribbon rings around yr waist
Tiny plastic alien
Yellow cat, brown bear
Quilt heart, gold frame
Straw suitcase, and always
That picture of myself.
-----
What Prayer Beads
Long hair and
All my secrets
The wisdom of kids
Those same tendencies
Towards home.
-----
January
These are work poems
They collide
Night after night
That’s all it is
To be born again.
Ever-lovin’ paw print
Ribbon rings around yr waist
Tiny plastic alien
Yellow cat, brown bear
Quilt heart, gold frame
Straw suitcase, and always
That picture of myself.
-----
What Prayer Beads
Long hair and
All my secrets
The wisdom of kids
Those same tendencies
Towards home.
-----
January
These are work poems
They collide
Night after night
That’s all it is
To be born again.
Keeps
Pickled herring
and soft broken halves.
Are they soft fish?
Are the notes bent?
Will the bones hurt going down?
and soft broken halves.
Are they soft fish?
Are the notes bent?
Will the bones hurt going down?
CALL TO ARMS
Charge the cold, charge
The city and its powers
All the workwomen, their
Electrician counterparts, their
Immaculate craft –
The glass house dispatches
From the shore
Stuck and sailing we
Grovel for means –
Kosher dogs and escape routes -
City on the sea
Trading carpet strips for
Double sided tape, for
Needles and pins -
This is a survival story!
The city and its powers
All the workwomen, their
Electrician counterparts, their
Immaculate craft –
The glass house dispatches
From the shore
Stuck and sailing we
Grovel for means –
Kosher dogs and escape routes -
City on the sea
Trading carpet strips for
Double sided tape, for
Needles and pins -
This is a survival story!
Bambi & Flower
We lie flat &
Dream up skills
Proficiency and singing
Making space & bed
Keeping up I want to
Keep up.
Dream up skills
Proficiency and singing
Making space & bed
Keeping up I want to
Keep up.
the 31st ending
i woke up this morning reeking of cigarettes i never smoked
a warm shower never felt better
everyone was late
i never ate
i thought i was doing great
until my parents arrived
they were irate
speed round
dad dropped the ball and it split in four
that wasn't the first time he swore
mom had a coughing fit and started hyperventilating
no time to stop
gave her some water
a cough drop
told her to get some air
12:13 and we were almost done
12:48 more help came
2:01 return to brooklyn
2:25 grab the cat and head back home
thought it would be the worst day ever
a rough start but a pleasant ending
and then two pals brought tacos
a stressful day with a splendid ending
a warm shower never felt better
everyone was late
i never ate
i thought i was doing great
until my parents arrived
they were irate
speed round
dad dropped the ball and it split in four
that wasn't the first time he swore
mom had a coughing fit and started hyperventilating
no time to stop
gave her some water
a cough drop
told her to get some air
12:13 and we were almost done
12:48 more help came
2:01 return to brooklyn
2:25 grab the cat and head back home
thought it would be the worst day ever
a rough start but a pleasant ending
and then two pals brought tacos
a stressful day with a splendid ending
We Are All Here to Help Each Other Be Who We Need to Be
No space backstage,
paid in pasta and red wine
stomping for gigglers
throwing tomatoes for performance art
This is a show we're putting on
Behind the pink door
for you, for your mom
for the faceless black of the darkened room
while we sparkle on a tiny stage
picked out in shining lights
we are more than ourselves then
we are absorbing light,
absorbing laughter
giving it back multiplied a hundredfold
We have been training for this
a long time.
But last night I watched my friends break up on stage
he played the cello, which he has never studied
and she wore what made her feel most like a goddess
he strummed,
she wiggled
he tapped
she reached for him
she looked out at us
well not at us but at the audience
whose hearts were mostly not breaking
and when she was done dancing
she gestured at him with her hand
'its time to go'
and he kept playing
and she rolled her shoulder and tossed her head
'its time to go'
and he kept playing
and she walked offstage slowly
leaving room for him to follow
and he kept playing
until she walked out of the room
then he finally stopped
and he left.
sometimes dance is beautiful
sometimes it's grotesque, sometimes funny
and sometimes it just is
and sometimes it goes.
paid in pasta and red wine
stomping for gigglers
throwing tomatoes for performance art
This is a show we're putting on
Behind the pink door
for you, for your mom
for the faceless black of the darkened room
while we sparkle on a tiny stage
picked out in shining lights
we are more than ourselves then
we are absorbing light,
absorbing laughter
giving it back multiplied a hundredfold
We have been training for this
a long time.
But last night I watched my friends break up on stage
he played the cello, which he has never studied
and she wore what made her feel most like a goddess
he strummed,
she wiggled
he tapped
she reached for him
she looked out at us
well not at us but at the audience
whose hearts were mostly not breaking
and when she was done dancing
she gestured at him with her hand
'its time to go'
and he kept playing
and she rolled her shoulder and tossed her head
'its time to go'
and he kept playing
and she walked offstage slowly
leaving room for him to follow
and he kept playing
until she walked out of the room
then he finally stopped
and he left.
sometimes dance is beautiful
sometimes it's grotesque, sometimes funny
and sometimes it just is
and sometimes it goes.
THIRTEEN
Jamie told Susan to tell Amanda that I liked her
so we were going out, walking next to each other wordlessly in gym class
and then after awhile, just as silently, we broke up
so we were going out, walking next to each other wordlessly in gym class
and then after awhile, just as silently, we broke up
NINE
Brown ground beef.
Remove to paper towel to drain fat.
Return to pan and drown with ketchup.
Serve over two toasted buns.
Play ball with crumpled napkins.
Wait until mom gets home to clean up.
Remove to paper towel to drain fat.
Return to pan and drown with ketchup.
Serve over two toasted buns.
Play ball with crumpled napkins.
Wait until mom gets home to clean up.
Lyrics to "Torch Song"
It's not like I'm carrying a torch for anyone
but I've got this pile of kindling sticks and once in a while I'll light some.
How easy it would be to just get on a plane.
Oh! Whe-e-e-e-ere to go? Discomfiture as usual.
It's still with me!
It's still with me!
It's still with me!
When will it not be?
Last night I spoke to you face to face across the country
and everything I said made me want to give myself surgery.
You said, "You'd better think about the paths that you are choosing.
Oh, Samuel, it's not a race, but if it were, you'd be losing."
"Torch Song" can be heard here: www.myspace.com/weirdchess
<3> Sprout Legumebean
but I've got this pile of kindling sticks and once in a while I'll light some.
How easy it would be to just get on a plane.
Oh! Whe-e-e-e-ere to go? Discomfiture as usual.
It's still with me!
It's still with me!
It's still with me!
When will it not be?
Last night I spoke to you face to face across the country
and everything I said made me want to give myself surgery.
You said, "You'd better think about the paths that you are choosing.
Oh, Samuel, it's not a race, but if it were, you'd be losing."
"Torch Song" can be heard here: www.myspace.com/weirdchess
-
This is my 31st poem, and if the month is up and this is the end, I just want to say that it's been such a pleasure and a treat to stumble into the new year with everyone and everyone's poems. It kind of made my month and helped me find my way through it. Thanks and love to everybody, and thanks especially Tullah! But if we're allowed to keep writing...<3> Sprout Legumebean
host of urchin
you could be the one
o sign o savior
here are your poison tendrils
let me be your clown fish—
o let me clean you —
me orange
my driving force, my utter supplication?
direct your striving downwards, he said,
red devil, (where went his cloven claws?)
a deep ocean, pure reception
the antennae's hidden and transmission's coming in fine
push back the greens, there is a deep hutch
where i've known her force,
which grows and deep deep woa,
some weird frontier for action
action!
no fucken engineer
not even a doctor
knows why these lights work
o sign o savior
here are your poison tendrils
let me be your clown fish—
o let me clean you —
me orange
my driving force, my utter supplication?
direct your striving downwards, he said,
red devil, (where went his cloven claws?)
a deep ocean, pure reception
the antennae's hidden and transmission's coming in fine
push back the greens, there is a deep hutch
where i've known her force,
which grows and deep deep woa,
some weird frontier for action
action!
no fucken engineer
not even a doctor
knows why these lights work
Saturday, January 30, 2010
e
Hallelujah, anger plays
Other notes than might be
Prominently displayed in
Every window
Hunger sounds the
Other note I tried to
Pray for but was
Entirely indifferent to
Highly improbable
Occam's razor deflects
Panoramic views of
Everything
Hell hath no fury
Or heaven hath no sons
Preoccupied with
e
Other notes than might be
Prominently displayed in
Every window
Hunger sounds the
Other note I tried to
Pray for but was
Entirely indifferent to
Highly improbable
Occam's razor deflects
Panoramic views of
Everything
Hell hath no fury
Or heaven hath no sons
Preoccupied with
e
Wavering
His night face listens
for what, for colors?
For family voices?
Neighbor
ly vibrations,
male figures turn
up in red
waving thanks
For the rinding segmented
packages
of jubilant pulp.
No reply.
His asleep
hearing face
for what, for colors?
For family voices?
Neighbor
ly vibrations,
male figures turn
up in red
waving thanks
For the rinding segmented
packages
of jubilant pulp.
No reply.
His asleep
hearing face
one left
one day left
one night left
walls are blank
the floor is swept
bags are packed
nothing to eat
half a gulp of whiskey
a bottle of cough syrup
a can of sardines
i packed my dishes anyway
the bed was empty but
last night you came crawling back
a phone call
remember me? how you doing? we should talk
you think you want me now
cause i have blue eyes and a nice rack
but you don't realize
one day it won't matter anymore
i'll scare you away
and you won't come back
one night left
walls are blank
the floor is swept
bags are packed
nothing to eat
half a gulp of whiskey
a bottle of cough syrup
a can of sardines
i packed my dishes anyway
the bed was empty but
last night you came crawling back
a phone call
remember me? how you doing? we should talk
you think you want me now
cause i have blue eyes and a nice rack
but you don't realize
one day it won't matter anymore
i'll scare you away
and you won't come back
mountain prayer
thank you for these mountains,
for this trial.
thank you for exhaustion,
and the dusty swirling heat,
and this thirst,
and this pain in my leg that i cannot shake away.
be with me now,
in this miracle valley of your creation,
be with me on this hillside
that makes my heart stop at its beauty
as i ache for you,
be with me for i cannot do this alone.
in this lesson in distance
i am done marking the space between us,
for you are in these blades of grass,
and in this pain,
and in my heart's gratitude,
and i am calling you down from your mountain
to help bring me home.
for this trial.
thank you for exhaustion,
and the dusty swirling heat,
and this thirst,
and this pain in my leg that i cannot shake away.
be with me now,
in this miracle valley of your creation,
be with me on this hillside
that makes my heart stop at its beauty
as i ache for you,
be with me for i cannot do this alone.
in this lesson in distance
i am done marking the space between us,
for you are in these blades of grass,
and in this pain,
and in my heart's gratitude,
and i am calling you down from your mountain
to help bring me home.
bravery
the bravest thing
i have ever done
was to sit down
and look you in the eye
and tell you that
i'm sorry, but
i love you.
i have ever done
was to sit down
and look you in the eye
and tell you that
i'm sorry, but
i love you.
seven random tips for happiness (in no particular order)
I.
an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
but if you don't have an apple
really ripe oranges will do the trick.
II.
never go to bed angry,
it makes your hair look funny when you wake up
and you will definitely have a bitter taste
in your mouth.
instead, take deep breaths, and try very hard
to accept that we are not always perfect.
III.
reminder!
thanksgiving can be celebrated
all 365 days of the year,
and you don't even have to
roast a turkey!
IV.
two words: hot chocolate.
V.
pay attention to pop culture:
you won't get into grad school
at harvard that way
but you will win
every game of charades.
VI.
speak another language,
even if you have to make it up
and don't worry so much about
your fluency:
remember, everyone speaks the
international language of gesture.
VII.
love.
as often,
as boldly,
and as recklessly as possible.
an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
but if you don't have an apple
really ripe oranges will do the trick.
II.
never go to bed angry,
it makes your hair look funny when you wake up
and you will definitely have a bitter taste
in your mouth.
instead, take deep breaths, and try very hard
to accept that we are not always perfect.
III.
reminder!
thanksgiving can be celebrated
all 365 days of the year,
and you don't even have to
roast a turkey!
IV.
two words: hot chocolate.
V.
pay attention to pop culture:
you won't get into grad school
at harvard that way
but you will win
every game of charades.
VI.
speak another language,
even if you have to make it up
and don't worry so much about
your fluency:
remember, everyone speaks the
international language of gesture.
VII.
love.
as often,
as boldly,
and as recklessly as possible.
TWENT-SIX
In between the holidays
I studied
the back of my hand
and watched
the patch of hair
below my pinkie finger
expand
I studied
the back of my hand
and watched
the patch of hair
below my pinkie finger
expand
FIVE
I was mesmerized
by the interlocking pieces
of a jigsaw puzzle
and terrified
of the soft, pink
jaws of my neighbor's dog.
That's what I saw
when I closed my eyes.
by the interlocking pieces
of a jigsaw puzzle
and terrified
of the soft, pink
jaws of my neighbor's dog.
That's what I saw
when I closed my eyes.
TWENTY-TWO
The apartment on Adelphi St. was very empty.
We bought a set of twelve glasses at the dollar store
and set them out, all twelve, empty
on the yellow dining table. For weeks
while I went on interviews and copied keys
and painted walls and walked and walked
and watched from the fire escape
as snowflakes dampened the city's angles
the glasses waited, empty, innocent and thirsty.
We bought a set of twelve glasses at the dollar store
and set them out, all twelve, empty
on the yellow dining table. For weeks
while I went on interviews and copied keys
and painted walls and walked and walked
and watched from the fire escape
as snowflakes dampened the city's angles
the glasses waited, empty, innocent and thirsty.
fashion forward
i have always been
fairly certain
that i was born in the wrong decade,
at least for certain things.
its not that i am unappreciative
of a button down plaid shirt
and a pair of black skinny jeans
or the soft woolen caps
worn even in the dead heat of august,
and i am certainly a fan of the
brightly colored sweatshirts, sneakers, scarves,
but what i wouldn't give
for a cravat and a cream colored vest
or a pair of beautifully tailored pants
and well made leather boots,
displayed beneath a fitted waistcoat
and a carefully chosen top hat.
fairly certain
that i was born in the wrong decade,
at least for certain things.
its not that i am unappreciative
of a button down plaid shirt
and a pair of black skinny jeans
or the soft woolen caps
worn even in the dead heat of august,
and i am certainly a fan of the
brightly colored sweatshirts, sneakers, scarves,
but what i wouldn't give
for a cravat and a cream colored vest
or a pair of beautifully tailored pants
and well made leather boots,
displayed beneath a fitted waistcoat
and a carefully chosen top hat.
move like wildfire
its almost the end of the month
and there is so much
i haven't said:
like that these days move
like wildfire
and that your voice
on the other end of the phone
no longer makes me
shiver with sadness.
mostly i regret
that i did not write them down,
those unsaid things
that i
discovered at 2:03pm
on a winter afternoon lit
with silver.
and there is so much
i haven't said:
like that these days move
like wildfire
and that your voice
on the other end of the phone
no longer makes me
shiver with sadness.
mostly i regret
that i did not write them down,
those unsaid things
that i
discovered at 2:03pm
on a winter afternoon lit
with silver.
friday night
the funniest thing that happened all night was when Omar was waddling around the room his jaw hanging down and then took a seat to talk to the dog
then Jordan was yelling and hitting things in a heated discussion with himself
Kent held his stomach in pain as we laughed
i slid onto the floor in giggles and tears when the door bell rang
Jordan ran over to answer it but slipped on my shoe and fell down
three more walked in and Bruce yelled what the hell are you doing on the floor
a few minutes passed when Jason lost his balance and tumbled backwards towards the crowd but caught himself on Lia's crouch and regained his footing with the ground
when it rains it pours
Mandy told me
if only they could see us now.
then Jordan was yelling and hitting things in a heated discussion with himself
Kent held his stomach in pain as we laughed
i slid onto the floor in giggles and tears when the door bell rang
Jordan ran over to answer it but slipped on my shoe and fell down
three more walked in and Bruce yelled what the hell are you doing on the floor
a few minutes passed when Jason lost his balance and tumbled backwards towards the crowd but caught himself on Lia's crouch and regained his footing with the ground
when it rains it pours
Mandy told me
if only they could see us now.
hot girls at parties
its not dumb, its bad for you
why do you like whats bad for you
strange fields in my head and rivers in my dresser
void and trying desperate to undress her
you were under duress
pure supplication and reception, (drake)
possibility and connection,
seagulls screaming gently GENTLY
kiss me seagulls KISS HER
the void looms
:) moral: i am hopeful that i will receive love and happiness even though i am sad now :(....:) hopeful martyrmartbay looking up, chin up for love.
l;f not done
fuck this
i would BUY IT
SPEND ANYTHING ON IT
i CAN DO ANYTHING IF I WAN IT
i'm waiting for the train for 45 fucken mins
this is my only life!
FUCK
THIS IS IT
YES moral :)despite setbacks everythings looking great :)
fressen:
you made me love you
i didnt wanna do it
i didnt wanna do it
you created love
i didnt believe in love you made me believe in love and then you left
you're like niche's god you left
du bist doch kein mensch du bist ein tier
deswegen frisst du doch (there's no moral)
feeling is another form of thinking
feelings are so huge
feeling is so real
LOVE
LOVE
why do you like whats bad for you
strange fields in my head and rivers in my dresser
void and trying desperate to undress her
you were under duress
pure supplication and reception, (drake)
possibility and connection,
seagulls screaming gently GENTLY
kiss me seagulls KISS HER
the void looms
:) moral: i am hopeful that i will receive love and happiness even though i am sad now :(....:) hopeful martyrmartbay looking up, chin up for love.
l;f not done
fuck this
i would BUY IT
SPEND ANYTHING ON IT
i CAN DO ANYTHING IF I WAN IT
i'm waiting for the train for 45 fucken mins
this is my only life!
FUCK
THIS IS IT
YES moral :)despite setbacks everythings looking great :)
fressen:
you made me love you
i didnt wanna do it
i didnt wanna do it
you created love
i didnt believe in love you made me believe in love and then you left
you're like niche's god you left
du bist doch kein mensch du bist ein tier
deswegen frisst du doch (there's no moral)
feeling is another form of thinking
feelings are so huge
feeling is so real
LOVE
LOVE
BACKS BACKS
backs
backs
BACKS wait wait girl
i love it now look
im stronger my muscles are so sore pump to failure just for you
look at your back
look at your bra strap
make it pop
look at your floor
theses floors are great your place is so nice i love it i want it give it demon to me
because she hold me down
the kernels are fallingout as i wait coughing eye contact with strange dying missed connection old woman be my mother wife daughter i ripped the picasso for you girl that ripped with her claws like a viper so many cars on the rode and its 230 in the morning
there is a face
in the back of the car
whos that
i kissed a girl no dont do that one please it hurts
bitch nonono
shhh
shh
simone YES noNOedonbt dont do yes dont do no
just do
simone
carl is in love NO
you keep going just end it stop
let carl end it
it was so beautiful when it was just simone
backs
backs
BACKS wait wait girl
i love it now look
im stronger my muscles are so sore pump to failure just for you
look at your back
look at your bra strap
make it pop
look at your floor
theses floors are great your place is so nice i love it i want it give it demon to me
because she hold me down
the kernels are fallingout as i wait coughing eye contact with strange dying missed connection old woman be my mother wife daughter i ripped the picasso for you girl that ripped with her claws like a viper so many cars on the rode and its 230 in the morning
there is a face
in the back of the car
whos that
i kissed a girl no dont do that one please it hurts
bitch nonono
shhh
shh
simone YES noNOedonbt dont do yes dont do no
just do
simone
carl is in love NO
you keep going just end it stop
let carl end it
it was so beautiful when it was just simone
Friday, January 29, 2010
In the midst my first mental break I was seized by
the notion that by getting warm socks I might...
No. It's still there. It's not like I'm carrying
a torch for anyone, but I have this handful
of dry straws, and once in a while I will
light one and let it burn down. And
over and over! All the time! My fingers singed!
the notion that by getting warm socks I might...
No. It's still there. It's not like I'm carrying
a torch for anyone, but I have this handful
of dry straws, and once in a while I will
light one and let it burn down. And
over and over! All the time! My fingers singed!
cramp
curly muscles
foot betrayal
toes cross one over the other over the other
i'm not going out tonight
foot betrayal
toes cross one over the other over the other
i'm not going out tonight
fencing
the light carves tattoos in the ground
behind twisted wrought iron guardians
sometimes diagonal grids when the lamps
from two adjacent houses marry
intermittently, the eyes open, close
wondering what is being shut out
what in.
behind twisted wrought iron guardians
sometimes diagonal grids when the lamps
from two adjacent houses marry
intermittently, the eyes open, close
wondering what is being shut out
what in.
Bucks
Spit on his collar,
creased heels,
today’s special is here.
And! It’s Lady’s Hour.
Make it a double, honey,
hold the tab.
I would prefer it shaken and mixed,
a splash of whatever’s cleanest.
Alchohol biotes.
Zip/Zip
Holding out for a quick fix.
creased heels,
today’s special is here.
And! It’s Lady’s Hour.
Make it a double, honey,
hold the tab.
I would prefer it shaken and mixed,
a splash of whatever’s cleanest.
Alchohol biotes.
Zip/Zip
Holding out for a quick fix.
sprout legumebean, socks get lost in the laundry one at a time
and if it's lucky
the second one is lost someday too
but more often it just hangs around
the last one left in the drawer on laundry day
waiting for its argyle mate to come back
occasionally
in a rare ecstasy
it is matched up with an entirely different second sock
a wildflower pink
a rainbow stripe
or one with brilliant yellow ducks
it will be with you a long time
a long time
waiting in the drawer
or pulled out and warming one foot
your choice.
the second one is lost someday too
but more often it just hangs around
the last one left in the drawer on laundry day
waiting for its argyle mate to come back
occasionally
in a rare ecstasy
it is matched up with an entirely different second sock
a wildflower pink
a rainbow stripe
or one with brilliant yellow ducks
it will be with you a long time
a long time
waiting in the drawer
or pulled out and warming one foot
your choice.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
folk
lady margot lady margaret
my lady my lady
my margoret, maggoret
five and twenty all - forgive me!
frigid embroidery all - forgive me!
no leave asked by the by the by the by the
wan low haunch-ed things I want your hunched things I want I want I want I want your
what?
toady
throated voice
sings,
you zither smothered polyp kings
my lady my lady
my margoret, maggoret
five and twenty all - forgive me!
frigid embroidery all - forgive me!
no leave asked by the by the by the by the
wan low haunch-ed things I want your hunched things I want I want I want I want your
what?
toady
throated voice
sings,
you zither smothered polyp kings
I'm the Girl that Ripped the Picasso Painting At The Met - w4m - 24
This was on Friday at the Met. I remember you from the elevator when we were going from the 1st floor to the 2nd floor. You were the guy wearing the red sweater... I held the door open for you and you smiled at me. I saw you again in the Cubism section. I was standing in front of The Actor painting by Picasso. You were looking at Matisse's "View of Collioure and the Sea". You were standing there for a while, sketching in a brown notebook. I was about to approach you, but froze up and ended up tripping and falling into the painting leaving a small tear.
I think you left before the security got there.
If you read about this in the news the next day, I'm the girl from the elevator.
I think you left before the security got there.
If you read about this in the news the next day, I'm the girl from the elevator.
for EMMA
emma
if you're reading this
i miss seeing your brainheart
spilled onto the internet
please write again
if you're reading this
i miss seeing your brainheart
spilled onto the internet
please write again
bent over and reading
your face leaned over
was an upside down mountain
some sleeping man in spain
of rocks piled up high and worn away
was an upside down mountain
some sleeping man in spain
of rocks piled up high and worn away
new sound
the sound i heard in the water
with my one ear in the tub
after you flushed the toilet
and walked out
was long creaky water wind
all around me and warm
with my one ear in the tub
after you flushed the toilet
and walked out
was long creaky water wind
all around me and warm
Broken promises/bloody nose
There's a scab inside my nose.
Each day the promise I make to myself not to pick it
is a broken one by 10 in the morning.
Each day the promise I make to myself not to pick it
is a broken one by 10 in the morning.
FOURTEEN
I wanted to be taken in by something
so I took a saxophone
and chased clarinets around the field.
I put on short red shorts
and ran ten miles up and down hills.
I could sit for hours at the kitchen table
and sing along to the radio
absorbed in a geometry book
while my sister's friends giggled up the stairs.
I didn't know yet how to kiss or cook.
so I took a saxophone
and chased clarinets around the field.
I put on short red shorts
and ran ten miles up and down hills.
I could sit for hours at the kitchen table
and sing along to the radio
absorbed in a geometry book
while my sister's friends giggled up the stairs.
I didn't know yet how to kiss or cook.
TWENTY-EIGHT
each year
I've burned as bright
and fallen as far
I can't see anything out there
in front of me
just some distant stars
a clock constantly ticks and frogs sing
I'm afraid
if I turn the page, the story will be over
every day
is the end of my life
I've burned as bright
and fallen as far
I can't see anything out there
in front of me
just some distant stars
a clock constantly ticks and frogs sing
I'm afraid
if I turn the page, the story will be over
every day
is the end of my life
THIRTY-ONE
On an inflatable raft
in the middle of a somber lake
a cold breeze
as the sun ducks behind the trees
in the middle of a somber lake
a cold breeze
as the sun ducks behind the trees
Poema para ser leído en la traición
“Iba a levantar la cabeza, ya sabía que su belleza sería fatal, horible, y me miró, todo lo que se espera de una cabeza y que muy pocas veces se te vuelve el mundo. Pero vamos, me miró y tampoco paró el metro, mucho menos mi corazón. El momento sí quedó parado, paró en mi y allí se queda. Creo que no pasa nada, hasta luego cara almendrada, saliendo en Moncloa con un chico alto y normal. Ojos de almendra, verás que no pasa nada, ya todas la guapas me pertenecerán.”
“Before she had raised it I saw the head would be fatally, horribly beautiful. She looked right at me: all the beauty you ask of the world, never really expecting an answer. But she looked at me and the subway didn't stop, nor my heart. The moment stopped, though, somewhere within me, and stayed, engine running. Whatever! Goodbye face, all almonds, exiting at Moncloa with a tall normal guy. Almond eyes. It’s no big deal, sooner or later all the world's beauties will be mine.”
“Before she had raised it I saw the head would be fatally, horribly beautiful. She looked right at me: all the beauty you ask of the world, never really expecting an answer. But she looked at me and the subway didn't stop, nor my heart. The moment stopped, though, somewhere within me, and stayed, engine running. Whatever! Goodbye face, all almonds, exiting at Moncloa with a tall normal guy. Almond eyes. It’s no big deal, sooner or later all the world's beauties will be mine.”
baby boy
Daddy reports baby's got stats
Sex: Male
Gestation: 39 weeks
Labor: 3.5 hrs
Born: 5:23 PM--January 22, 2010
Weight: 7.12 lbs.
Height: 20 Inches
Nurses whispered that baby has jaundice
Doc says stick it in the sun
No big deal.
Sex: Male
Gestation: 39 weeks
Labor: 3.5 hrs
Born: 5:23 PM--January 22, 2010
Weight: 7.12 lbs.
Height: 20 Inches
Nurses whispered that baby has jaundice
Doc says stick it in the sun
No big deal.
#14 (oops, halfway)
oh, terror! then shame/lessness, cold cut teeth, an inability contracted when small.
the prairie still exists, i would rather watch house than monk, rather do laundry and read magazines, an image of blown bubbles. i had a really long rest too, a rest too long to be anything that was comfortable in it's skin, once really horribly so.
shaky bones, oh, terror! of not losing the sleepover safety theme, getting up, or only being able to stay. then tired, cool-headed attempts, a sewing class, a doubt.
the prairie still exists, i would rather watch house than monk, rather do laundry and read magazines, an image of blown bubbles. i had a really long rest too, a rest too long to be anything that was comfortable in it's skin, once really horribly so.
shaky bones, oh, terror! of not losing the sleepover safety theme, getting up, or only being able to stay. then tired, cool-headed attempts, a sewing class, a doubt.
out liar
a hundred untouchable black satin curls
a handful of purple forgettable girls
a moment of lemonade after a kiss
betrayed and delicious in Senegal's bliss
the rope of your meaning a lovely old clock
rusted and rotten and wrapped in a sock
carried to thailand and sold in bangkok
and finally forgotten and smashed with a rock
the weaker beholden to belittling strength
stroked up and down the hot link of your length
delicious but rarely to stroke your black curls
purple forgiving ridiculous girls
knee-jelly afternoons rocked in a kiss
traded to mysteries, re-dubbed in bliss
carried along like the tick of a clock
rusted and rotten and wrapped in a sock.
a handful of purple forgettable girls
a moment of lemonade after a kiss
betrayed and delicious in Senegal's bliss
the rope of your meaning a lovely old clock
rusted and rotten and wrapped in a sock
carried to thailand and sold in bangkok
and finally forgotten and smashed with a rock
the weaker beholden to belittling strength
stroked up and down the hot link of your length
delicious but rarely to stroke your black curls
purple forgiving ridiculous girls
knee-jelly afternoons rocked in a kiss
traded to mysteries, re-dubbed in bliss
carried along like the tick of a clock
rusted and rotten and wrapped in a sock.
Know Exit
The spoiled bread pudding
we abandoned for the seagulls
and we leaned against the noon dunes
as the arching birds wheeled over our heads
We rubbed our tummies clockwise
The I Love U stroke
to push the bad air out
while the hot sand streamed over our shoulders
one tiny avalanche at a time
we sat there long enough
the streams of tiny pebbles buried us
You asked if I wanted fish for dinner
I wanted a lace tattoo, a rose kiss
I was topless in velvet pants
I was throwing the phone across the room
While you talked of blackberries and rhubarb
Yawped in many voices until I died of laughing
and came screaming on your cock
You threw an orange scarf out the window of your car
I leaned in the window to kiss you
kissing me, you pushed me back out
we abandoned for the seagulls
and we leaned against the noon dunes
as the arching birds wheeled over our heads
We rubbed our tummies clockwise
The I Love U stroke
to push the bad air out
while the hot sand streamed over our shoulders
one tiny avalanche at a time
we sat there long enough
the streams of tiny pebbles buried us
You asked if I wanted fish for dinner
I wanted a lace tattoo, a rose kiss
I was topless in velvet pants
I was throwing the phone across the room
While you talked of blackberries and rhubarb
Yawped in many voices until I died of laughing
and came screaming on your cock
You threw an orange scarf out the window of your car
I leaned in the window to kiss you
kissing me, you pushed me back out
eh
Do you ever wonder where I fit in
with your life with him?
Because I wonder about that, when I'm with her.
I wonder about you.
I know it sounds like I'm scattered
but believe me,
when I'm not around you,
it's worse.
When I'm with you,
my thoughts are clearer.
I can say what I want to say.
I just want to know what it would be like to get enough of you
Fifty days
on a desert island.
I just want to know.
with your life with him?
Because I wonder about that, when I'm with her.
I wonder about you.
I know it sounds like I'm scattered
but believe me,
when I'm not around you,
it's worse.
When I'm with you,
my thoughts are clearer.
I can say what I want to say.
I just want to know what it would be like to get enough of you
Fifty days
on a desert island.
I just want to know.
Mark.
we were strangers, but acquaintances.
i have some old footage from highschool of him in 6th grade
making some lame pick up about how he lost his number... so could he please have mine.
i was a senior then.
he, a kid. a boy. blue eyed and smiling.
today i found out that he died.
he was on break and was in a snowboarding accident..
they said two nights ago in the recovery room
his heart sped up rapidly and his breath quickened...
as if his brain were firing too rapidly all at once.
and then like that- his heart stopped.
and they couldn't start it again.
i sat and stared for a while,
thought about the last time i saw his sister,
pictured his family in the hospital room on tuesday night.
i thought about all the people who lost sons or brothers or family in haiti.
i thought about my heart.
about the massive amounts of healing that the living need to do to survive.
and then pictured his 6th grade cameo on my silly little camera.
and i cried.
maybe because we were acquaintances,
perhaps because we were strangers.
i have some old footage from highschool of him in 6th grade
making some lame pick up about how he lost his number... so could he please have mine.
i was a senior then.
he, a kid. a boy. blue eyed and smiling.
today i found out that he died.
he was on break and was in a snowboarding accident..
they said two nights ago in the recovery room
his heart sped up rapidly and his breath quickened...
as if his brain were firing too rapidly all at once.
and then like that- his heart stopped.
and they couldn't start it again.
i sat and stared for a while,
thought about the last time i saw his sister,
pictured his family in the hospital room on tuesday night.
i thought about all the people who lost sons or brothers or family in haiti.
i thought about my heart.
about the massive amounts of healing that the living need to do to survive.
and then pictured his 6th grade cameo on my silly little camera.
and i cried.
maybe because we were acquaintances,
perhaps because we were strangers.
The girl lived in a toy box.
She found her shoulder, her hip
She found her satin quilted lips and shuddering torso,
her nimble spirit her harsh thighs and bruised knees.
But she couldn’t find the space behind her eyes.
She couldn’t find those tiny windows that snap open like an old polaroid camera.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
i still fuck with love
i wonder who he is
who exerts such power over you
and who are you, anyway
you've had a long long day, dear strange girl
its aiite i ran the bath, cinnamon swirl
ice cream in the tub, peppermint oil
foot rub out all the stress of your world
aromatherapy, scentedcandles, california rolls,
sushi from my fingers—mm—blueberry scones,
shampoo yr hair scrub yr back, fingers start to roam,
tickle fight, love bites, like the way you smell tonight
perfect love, greek hug, greek salad if you wanna eat
waiting in the fridge go'n give yrself a treat
relaxin on the couch i'll go'n put a movie on
its a cute funny one too we can cuddle in
close the portcullis cuz
nobody's gonna bother us
we're gonna get solid tho
glad i bought you that bath robe
giggle bear glisten feels good to be home
stretchin out talking just gabbin bout so'n'so
snuggie, buggy, bearie bunny with a gemstone
if yr feeling like it we can go'n break it off
if not feelin sexy,
that's cool, it's your day—
but yr still cute when yr tired,
and you know make a good lay
who exerts such power over you
and who are you, anyway
you've had a long long day, dear strange girl
its aiite i ran the bath, cinnamon swirl
ice cream in the tub, peppermint oil
foot rub out all the stress of your world
aromatherapy, scentedcandles, california rolls,
sushi from my fingers—mm—blueberry scones,
shampoo yr hair scrub yr back, fingers start to roam,
tickle fight, love bites, like the way you smell tonight
perfect love, greek hug, greek salad if you wanna eat
waiting in the fridge go'n give yrself a treat
relaxin on the couch i'll go'n put a movie on
its a cute funny one too we can cuddle in
close the portcullis cuz
nobody's gonna bother us
we're gonna get solid tho
glad i bought you that bath robe
giggle bear glisten feels good to be home
stretchin out talking just gabbin bout so'n'so
snuggie, buggy, bearie bunny with a gemstone
if yr feeling like it we can go'n break it off
if not feelin sexy,
that's cool, it's your day—
but yr still cute when yr tired,
and you know make a good lay
met a store
sometimes i feel blind cake
fucked brightly
prettysmileshake at the grocery ladies
tell all the grocery store ladies to go outside on their breaks
but they wont go
sometimes sad sister boy
cold stripe so fucking hot little one crepe daughter
and young and pan once all late spring middle stepped stuffed covered in cherries so many
cherries.
showers in the basement for hours
came out in towels
and had their photo taken
speaking about
pretty but pink
is my room a woman with wigs
read that broken underwear
cream green mirror there
that alloneday lady her grocery eyes
stop watching
the game
getting littler and littler
hommmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
nymmmmmm
fucked brightly
prettysmileshake at the grocery ladies
tell all the grocery store ladies to go outside on their breaks
but they wont go
sometimes sad sister boy
cold stripe so fucking hot little one crepe daughter
and young and pan once all late spring middle stepped stuffed covered in cherries so many
cherries.
showers in the basement for hours
came out in towels
and had their photo taken
speaking about
pretty but pink
is my room a woman with wigs
read that broken underwear
cream green mirror there
that alloneday lady her grocery eyes
stop watching
the game
getting littler and littler
hommmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
nymmmmmm
no dinner
narrow electric line eyeball edge AH!
something's wrong, there are rules to seeing -
i named all the tulips in the garden
they have multiple but specific genders
neon lights are like mothers;
they try to be helpful but make things blurry
zooming backwards I smell meat again
the bonny cuckoo sings "meeeeeaaaaaat" god I'm hungry
i'm in the city again there are no tulips
my eyes my eyes my EYES!
I will go around relating to things
"hello!" and "excuse me" and "kiss me oh -"
OH! MY EYES! If I pull out my eyelashes at work
can I go home and nap?
something's wrong, there are rules to seeing -
i named all the tulips in the garden
they have multiple but specific genders
neon lights are like mothers;
they try to be helpful but make things blurry
zooming backwards I smell meat again
the bonny cuckoo sings "meeeeeaaaaaat" god I'm hungry
i'm in the city again there are no tulips
my eyes my eyes my EYES!
I will go around relating to things
"hello!" and "excuse me" and "kiss me oh -"
OH! MY EYES! If I pull out my eyelashes at work
can I go home and nap?
Bridesmaids
Maybe I am being punished
for speaking forever softly,
keeping my circus invisible.
Content
stretched out at the foot of your bed.
Always a bridesmaid
bathed in the fractured light
of someone else's glass.
This cold was never bitter.
But to touch this
dandelion spring
taste soft this holy rain.
say this out loud...
Howard Zinn R.I.P. 1922-2010
In some ways says more about the state of the union
than any speech. Not that there aren't other
thinkers, or that Zinn's own speeches didn't
tend toward feel-good fluff. But, damn. A light out.
All I can think about is Sibelius' Symphony no. 2.
I remember the first time I heard it. Ithaca, NY, 2003.
Life was confronting me with the real possibility
of getting stuck on a conservatory education track.
I would have killed myself.
When it premiered, a reviewer called the Sibelius
"the worst composer in the world." Myself
I can't help finding the warmest, brightest light
of the universe in there, along with all kinds
of poignancy. I'm worried that I sound trite,
talking about poignancy. I couldn't even tell
you what home would look like.
It would have to get some sun. Fairly sure.
than any speech. Not that there aren't other
thinkers, or that Zinn's own speeches didn't
tend toward feel-good fluff. But, damn. A light out.
All I can think about is Sibelius' Symphony no. 2.
I remember the first time I heard it. Ithaca, NY, 2003.
Life was confronting me with the real possibility
of getting stuck on a conservatory education track.
I would have killed myself.
When it premiered, a reviewer called the Sibelius
"the worst composer in the world." Myself
I can't help finding the warmest, brightest light
of the universe in there, along with all kinds
of poignancy. I'm worried that I sound trite,
talking about poignancy. I couldn't even tell
you what home would look like.
It would have to get some sun. Fairly sure.
TEN
In a rented car with my whole family
on the interminable ride from El Paso to Alamogordo
I mixed up the words organism and orgasm.
Though I never heard their conversations, I knew
my parents whispered to each other, "Your parents
are getting too old to live on their own."
Still, that year, like every other year
Grandpa took us up into the prickly mountains
to hunt stones in the arroyo and drive the tractor.
He still leaned in close to build a fire
for hot dogs and hamburgers
the flames licking his trembling arms.
on the interminable ride from El Paso to Alamogordo
I mixed up the words organism and orgasm.
Though I never heard their conversations, I knew
my parents whispered to each other, "Your parents
are getting too old to live on their own."
Still, that year, like every other year
Grandpa took us up into the prickly mountains
to hunt stones in the arroyo and drive the tractor.
He still leaned in close to build a fire
for hot dogs and hamburgers
the flames licking his trembling arms.
from and to
acreage
filibuster
swagger and thyme
lackluster
compliments
riven by crime
likely erratic
essentials aside
terror by teapot
wafting in tide
in the cathedral
supplicants hide
have half a handful
lay it in lime
sound out the sea-bells
this land is mine
filibuster
swagger and thyme
lackluster
compliments
riven by crime
likely erratic
essentials aside
terror by teapot
wafting in tide
in the cathedral
supplicants hide
have half a handful
lay it in lime
sound out the sea-bells
this land is mine
test days is the best days
i read the directions miss
i checked my answers
oh ok
wait no you didn't and you sealed your test booklet inside
and left 20 answer spaces blank
did you read the directions
no i didn't read the directions
carefully open it up without tearing it
this is so illegal
lucky you filled in those answers
39 is passing
this test was easier
that's good
you still failed
why are you taking this test high
you reek of marijuana
and it's not the first time
you got a 3
if you weren't stoned do you think you would've got a 4
i read your essay about public parks
you said the city is a nice big city because it's nice and big
and then you said some things that weren't so redundant
and you nailed the task and scored a 5
this is too hard
i can't do it
i don't get it
this is why you need to start coming to school
i'll do better next time miss
you don't want to take a 6 hour test again
do well the first time
if home life is so bad then school should be your sanctuary
i know you don't want to hear it but you need to be here
miss i didn't say i didn't want to hear it
i checked my answers
oh ok
wait no you didn't and you sealed your test booklet inside
and left 20 answer spaces blank
did you read the directions
no i didn't read the directions
carefully open it up without tearing it
this is so illegal
lucky you filled in those answers
39 is passing
this test was easier
that's good
you still failed
why are you taking this test high
you reek of marijuana
and it's not the first time
you got a 3
if you weren't stoned do you think you would've got a 4
i read your essay about public parks
you said the city is a nice big city because it's nice and big
and then you said some things that weren't so redundant
and you nailed the task and scored a 5
this is too hard
i can't do it
i don't get it
this is why you need to start coming to school
i'll do better next time miss
you don't want to take a 6 hour test again
do well the first time
if home life is so bad then school should be your sanctuary
i know you don't want to hear it but you need to be here
miss i didn't say i didn't want to hear it
Words to Describe David M.
Crafty
Calculating
Conniving
Controlling
David in four words
Devious
Devilish
Scheming
Sly
Sneaky
David in five words
Manipulative
Manipulator
Manipulating
You in one word.
Calculating
Conniving
Controlling
David in four words
Devious
Devilish
Scheming
Sly
Sneaky
David in five words
Manipulative
Manipulator
Manipulating
You in one word.
incomplete
i think i got distracted
by what i'm not sure
due dates
tiredness
sexiness
inappropriateness
drunkeness
all of the above
by what i'm not sure
due dates
tiredness
sexiness
inappropriateness
drunkeness
all of the above
4 dates
time flies when you got too many boys
houston date
teacher date
internet date #1
internet date #2
can't pick one
maybe i just shouldn't date
houston date
teacher date
internet date #1
internet date #2
can't pick one
maybe i just shouldn't date
Marital Ambitions
Want to write one of those
books by Salinger, like a fish alight
with some weird surety.
Wish to be a saint whose hands stripe
and eyes pock whatever stroked
or contemplated.
Or a don-juan whose big cloak
envelops all your fantasy.
books by Salinger, like a fish alight
with some weird surety.
Wish to be a saint whose hands stripe
and eyes pock whatever stroked
or contemplated.
Or a don-juan whose big cloak
envelops all your fantasy.
TWO
Dressed as Luke Skywalker
I filled my pillowcase at Uncle Joe's
(who wasn't really my uncle)
and other houses down the road
I was such a sweet talker
I filled my pillowcase at Uncle Joe's
(who wasn't really my uncle)
and other houses down the road
I was such a sweet talker
Hot Date
You stole dumplings and put them down yr pants you grabbed them from that expensive place we used to go to then we bought hot white rice with your one dollar and my one dime and took them both to the Starbucks on Bergen where I bought green tea for 2.75 to ease my loiterer’s guilt. Why I feel this loiterer’s guilt I don’t know for sure but I think it has something to do with my mom and a book she read about the Judd family and how they always made the bed even in hotels. Then you worked on your computer and I read a free magazine and then we went to a movie for cheap and it made me think about Country Boy Can Survive. Why I remember all the words to a Hank Williams Jr. song I don’t know for sure but I think it has something to do with my mom and a dark sound from the car radio it’s just one of those things she loves and can’t explain why.
Fear Of
Reckon the name and the names
Not seated at some heavenly party
No, not grouped like that
In name, in face
Reckon the vinegar surge
Up chest and temple through –
The five thousand dollars
Death and debt and deathly debt
Fret not owner-death,
But the locomotive sting,
Heart it stutters, lurks –
Some don’t know it yet
But those who do will tell:
It comes to with a hunger, a holy drive
Clear-cuts the cliffs of comfort
Slips light through wood and skin –
To smell that voice on breath again -
My old man, old hand
Shake on through the doorway.
Not seated at some heavenly party
No, not grouped like that
In name, in face
Reckon the vinegar surge
Up chest and temple through –
The five thousand dollars
Death and debt and deathly debt
Fret not owner-death,
But the locomotive sting,
Heart it stutters, lurks –
Some don’t know it yet
But those who do will tell:
It comes to with a hunger, a holy drive
Clear-cuts the cliffs of comfort
Slips light through wood and skin –
To smell that voice on breath again -
My old man, old hand
Shake on through the doorway.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
baby bunting
1.
one hundred white cars go by the bagel shop.
We strutter inside and swat down our bods for breakfast.
calm and sweet.
a knife strokes solid yellow down the warm of the bread.
the bread explodes diamonds, diamonds.
we panic ("Go gather your mother & tell her to cut the gravity up! Go ask for the inside! We want to get into the ribs!")
2.
vacuum of a body
lungs and chest squeeze up its cartilage like a sandwich.
eyes caving in.
we're conscious, but then it fades.
3.
lucklord's here,
looking gremliny.
but we can only say
sorry, sorry.
one hundred white cars go by the bagel shop.
We strutter inside and swat down our bods for breakfast.
calm and sweet.
a knife strokes solid yellow down the warm of the bread.
the bread explodes diamonds, diamonds.
we panic ("Go gather your mother & tell her to cut the gravity up! Go ask for the inside! We want to get into the ribs!")
2.
vacuum of a body
lungs and chest squeeze up its cartilage like a sandwich.
eyes caving in.
we're conscious, but then it fades.
3.
lucklord's here,
looking gremliny.
but we can only say
sorry, sorry.
inside
little lion on the shelf
next to Bible from Bethlehem with a cover of olive wood
Christmas cards
and an olive wood bud vase, no bud
horses out to pasture, trees fading into fog
yellow wildflowers in a verdant forest
set on the wall
as if to make the horizon deeper, more mysterious
and out of doors
the wall holds these
they do not carry off the wall
except in imagination
the room smiles and sighs
next to Bible from Bethlehem with a cover of olive wood
Christmas cards
and an olive wood bud vase, no bud
horses out to pasture, trees fading into fog
yellow wildflowers in a verdant forest
set on the wall
as if to make the horizon deeper, more mysterious
and out of doors
the wall holds these
they do not carry off the wall
except in imagination
the room smiles and sighs
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!
big plastic collar
big plastic hands
rat rat rat rat
rat circus man
rat circus man.
a good act, but -
a rat's heart is a perilous thing
so quick to fail
crushed by new environs
and a rat circus man so quick to anger!
oh rat circus man, remember when we were young?
big plastic hands
rat rat rat rat
rat circus man
rat circus man.
a good act, but -
a rat's heart is a perilous thing
so quick to fail
crushed by new environs
and a rat circus man so quick to anger!
oh rat circus man, remember when we were young?
Family Garden
The Tax Free Pagoda Lord Cometh.
In Tears of Pizza Rain,
Where The Employees of the Uzbeki-
Musician-Restraint Lather Themselves in
Vitamin-C Lip Smoothie. Welcome In,
why dontchya,
To The Seventh Generation.
In Tears of Pizza Rain,
Where The Employees of the Uzbeki-
Musician-Restraint Lather Themselves in
Vitamin-C Lip Smoothie. Welcome In,
why dontchya,
To The Seventh Generation.
on tuesday
I will call your mother
and tell her that you won't listen
and that you run around
hitting chains
jumping on trampolines
taking pictures with your camera phone
just to get attention
I will ask her for help
because what can I do,
really
and tell her that you won't listen
and that you run around
hitting chains
jumping on trampolines
taking pictures with your camera phone
just to get attention
I will ask her for help
because what can I do,
really
i used to carry the sword around in my pants
dumb cooze,i expand my fields of influence
to intuit "how are you"—
for we don't speak anymore
the fields surrounding me
the fields around my ears, my head
the fields around my body
the fields around my phone
(we lied in one once)
very fun, very funny,
everything airs out,
and i washed out the stains of you,
water beading off my elbow
i have cried in the car driving alone,
i have starved, glutted on lard
cried watching internet romance
i have beaten my chest, cut my teeth,
have laughed with my friends,
have crawled a wreck of fun on the bed,
energized these explanations to mom,
solid, soldier of fortune, spinach heart,
lion's tooth, blow and turn to dust,
fall to flower, wake up next year,
stumble down the hall, girl, please
i'm so hard you don't fucking know
Single
I come
But not as I am
You shall see me
Not as I see me
But as I want to see me
I bring you what I want
I think you want it
The last thing on your mind is my mind.
-Carl
But not as I am
You shall see me
Not as I see me
But as I want to see me
I bring you what I want
I think you want it
The last thing on your mind is my mind.
-Carl
Sleep Eternal
Is it strange to know
That we do not know
But we do know
I know not what I will be
But what I will be I will know
When the time comes
I will go
And I will know
But I will return
But when I do not know
-Carl
That we do not know
But we do know
I know not what I will be
But what I will be I will know
When the time comes
I will go
And I will know
But I will return
But when I do not know
-Carl
AS REAL
Take me
Let me be your forever
Be my me
And which way will it go
True/False to the touch
I live to dream
I strive to be the best
And when I win your love
You run away
To no avail
I chase
Lost
Without your love.
Yes/No/Could it be
We are one or two or three
Or four
If only love were the universal truth
I could go on and on
And I will
But not without you
I hear you everywhere
I see you everywhere
I breathe you
And I feel you
And the truth is you are here
But am I here?
Not without you hearing me
Seeing me
Breathing me
Feeling me
Do we exist if we are not loved?
There is no right/wrong answer
I dream to live.
-Carl
Let me be your forever
Be my me
And which way will it go
True/False to the touch
I live to dream
I strive to be the best
And when I win your love
You run away
To no avail
I chase
Lost
Without your love.
Yes/No/Could it be
We are one or two or three
Or four
If only love were the universal truth
I could go on and on
And I will
But not without you
I hear you everywhere
I see you everywhere
I breathe you
And I feel you
And the truth is you are here
But am I here?
Not without you hearing me
Seeing me
Breathing me
Feeling me
Do we exist if we are not loved?
There is no right/wrong answer
I dream to live.
-Carl
Dreamer
Get my dick wet.
Put your lips on my dick and don't stop lovin' me.
Party like a rock star. Rock it like a party.
Carl
Maybe you and I could take it to the next level.
Get my dick wet.
With your lip.
Put your lips on my dick and don't stop lovin' me.
Party like a rock star. Rock it like a party.
Carl
Maybe you and I could take it to the next level.
Get my dick wet.
With your lip.
True Love
i wait
i wait
to see you, i hope
carl
could it be that i cannot have
what i desire
it seems it must be so
i wait
i wait
to see you, i hope
carl
could it be that i cannot have
what i desire
it seems it must be so
i wait
Monday, January 25, 2010
Giselle and the Willies
There comes a point where every dream erupts itself, where every dreamidea swells and heaves like a giant curve or suede balloon, and escalates to its highest propensity for air until it pops, ruptures into tiny pieces; a fragmentation of the mosaic that once made your heart turn into a gypsy, or a silly tyrant, or just a plain streak of sincerity. Every idea at one point or another has to burst. Just like a sperm whale calvinizes the sea, mixed up dreams dominate the living. Their death is ever present, hovering like black sheet metal, raw and undefined like molten plastic.
Yes, unsatisfied dreams wander through the streets like abandoned red eyed children, waiting for a doughy fool to fall in love.
-neue
The incense hisses and spits.
Rebirth requires vegetables.
I have arugula in the fridge.
While I'm away and
while I'm asleep
the house rearranges.
I found your hair in my room.
Wonder costs. Is this stuff
working? I can't relax unless
I know where everyone is.
Rebirth requires vegetables.
I have arugula in the fridge.
While I'm away and
while I'm asleep
the house rearranges.
I found your hair in my room.
Wonder costs. Is this stuff
working? I can't relax unless
I know where everyone is.
We tread careful.
Wrapped in flannel sheets.
Just barely touching.
Opposite cheeks in our pillows.
Dream-eyes fixed on different walls.
Two sides to this bed.
I will make you coffee in the morning.
You might make me eggs.
Or perhaps I will let this go and
slip into the earliest gray veil of morning
before you know I'm gone.
today i remembered my old guinea pig
My guinea pig
named for a dream
died of constipation
I think
though I realize these things are usually symptomatic
years earlier he had experienced
a deep deep deep
despair
which was, of course, also life threatening
but this proved curable,
if you'll excuse my little boasting heart
named for a dream
died of constipation
I think
though I realize these things are usually symptomatic
years earlier he had experienced
a deep deep deep
despair
which was, of course, also life threatening
but this proved curable,
if you'll excuse my little boasting heart
Fear
Kids our age seem fearless,
but adults our age are terrifying.
Fear is a driving force of 23.
You can get so scared you move
or don’t. You can get so scared you marry.
You can bury yourself in a baby. Or fail to plant
yourself in one. You can get scared,
and stuck.
But it’s fake, we’ve been choosing all along.
I went to liberal arts college, now I’m paying for it
and paying with it.
I met a bunch of kids
who confirmed and refined my weirdnesses.
I became attuned to them: now we talk
as they move more and more in together
in New York City.
Fear is catalyctic. Also crippling.
Useful as a tool and weapon.
Ageless, sexy: symbolic of desire.
but adults our age are terrifying.
Fear is a driving force of 23.
You can get so scared you move
or don’t. You can get so scared you marry.
You can bury yourself in a baby. Or fail to plant
yourself in one. You can get scared,
and stuck.
But it’s fake, we’ve been choosing all along.
I went to liberal arts college, now I’m paying for it
and paying with it.
I met a bunch of kids
who confirmed and refined my weirdnesses.
I became attuned to them: now we talk
as they move more and more in together
in New York City.
Fear is catalyctic. Also crippling.
Useful as a tool and weapon.
Ageless, sexy: symbolic of desire.
nope
so I says "man I hope it's my fuel pump
and not my carburetor"
and he says
"you don't have a carburetor."
oh i
...
'm sorry
(that
I swing around on words like vines
especially machines. I must grip words
like "carburetor":
a grey device that needs fuel vaporized by a spaceman.
needs air, the diva.
it blends the air and the fuel
into a cake shaped like a car.
['hey what's it called when you're gripping something and it goes up into smoke?"
"masturbation?"
"..."]
well no, you know,
when you let go and the little toy gently keels into separate joints.
you've been clutching a vine, but now it's visibly clearing out through the spaces between the fingers of your fist
like smoke.
and not my carburetor"
and he says
"you don't have a carburetor."
oh i
...
'm sorry
(that
I swing around on words like vines
especially machines. I must grip words
like "carburetor":
a grey device that needs fuel vaporized by a spaceman.
needs air, the diva.
it blends the air and the fuel
into a cake shaped like a car.
['hey what's it called when you're gripping something and it goes up into smoke?"
"masturbation?"
"..."]
well no, you know,
when you let go and the little toy gently keels into separate joints.
you've been clutching a vine, but now it's visibly clearing out through the spaces between the fingers of your fist
like smoke.
fun.com
in the cute cut
in the cute cut: (justice babe island) just ass is
justice babe island
clearly you dont retain info: vital info
just ass is. cutre oh hey lets do this!
and this!
remember when people did this?
why is this fun lets do this
No.
train me strange girl
train dog
ladies reception
dog recipe
this is immediate and honest! and not white and sexual
my mug my what?
your mug
whereareyou.com/pleasecomeback_imissyou
inphilly.net/backfriday_thisweekendsgonna=omg
in the cute cut: (justice babe island) just ass is
justice babe island
clearly you dont retain info: vital info
just ass is. cutre oh hey lets do this!
and this!
remember when people did this?
why is this fun lets do this
No.
train me strange girl
train dog
ladies reception
dog recipe
this is immediate and honest! and not white and sexual
my mug my what?
your mug
whereareyou.com/pleasecomeback_imissyou
inphilly.net/backfriday_thisweekendsgonna=omg
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Day 25
he made my lips tremble
with the possibilities
that were never ready.
so much to begin and
conceive to remain as
viable as we can.
if you step out of the
monotony, the rewards are
harder to come by.
they like to call it
the road less traveled
and it is the truth.
it is made uneasy for a
reason, you must receive
pain and doubt to proceed.
guilt and self-pity are
brought to bare and no one
can be transparent.
you are alone here,
dormant and left to design
all that could be.
where is the patience
that makes us so divine,
the emperors of time.
this life is a lottery
of mad markets and mimes
who hold the mask in place.
he knew of their plans
of dominance, the richer
forge the poorer.
this fight makes you step
out of life to stay on the
angles that matter.
then it comes out of nowhere
and it is too late,
the last word is down.
with the possibilities
that were never ready.
so much to begin and
conceive to remain as
viable as we can.
if you step out of the
monotony, the rewards are
harder to come by.
they like to call it
the road less traveled
and it is the truth.
it is made uneasy for a
reason, you must receive
pain and doubt to proceed.
guilt and self-pity are
brought to bare and no one
can be transparent.
you are alone here,
dormant and left to design
all that could be.
where is the patience
that makes us so divine,
the emperors of time.
this life is a lottery
of mad markets and mimes
who hold the mask in place.
he knew of their plans
of dominance, the richer
forge the poorer.
this fight makes you step
out of life to stay on the
angles that matter.
then it comes out of nowhere
and it is too late,
the last word is down.
Excess of Answers
Always, everyone is left with something.
I have the glasses of a suicide. No
feeling funny, hear? No questions.
What was. There's not a meaning--
no one dies why. Life is what matters,
and that's subjective and dynamic.
Bah. Hambug. We talk and talk
and eat. Same curtains, new room.
The food is confusing. The restaurant
is confused. It wants to be two
other restaurants. Leather on the tables.
Plants in the bathrooms.
Life is like a garden. You find a packet of
seeds. Unmarked. You plant them.
They pullulate and turn out to be
something that could get you in
a lot of trouble. Get as tough as you can.
There's no way to plan. And
hindsight is always always 20/20, especially
when you work in an optical store.
Slivers of metal in all of my fingers.
Damn right they hurt and damn! the projects
end awry. Could be that I could find a better
show of self to admire. Oh herbs and organization.
I have the glasses of a suicide. No
feeling funny, hear? No questions.
What was. There's not a meaning--
no one dies why. Life is what matters,
and that's subjective and dynamic.
Bah. Hambug. We talk and talk
and eat. Same curtains, new room.
The food is confusing. The restaurant
is confused. It wants to be two
other restaurants. Leather on the tables.
Plants in the bathrooms.
Life is like a garden. You find a packet of
seeds. Unmarked. You plant them.
They pullulate and turn out to be
something that could get you in
a lot of trouble. Get as tough as you can.
There's no way to plan. And
hindsight is always always 20/20, especially
when you work in an optical store.
Slivers of metal in all of my fingers.
Damn right they hurt and damn! the projects
end awry. Could be that I could find a better
show of self to admire. Oh herbs and organization.
we walked like giants
I remember the way the air was cool on my skin and
how the energy of the room felt in the moonlight.
How new and full of wonder it was.
That song was playing...
from that scene in le chansons d'amour where the two boys kiss for the first time
and it was so beautiful and sweet that we wanted to cry.
Lave, he sings, lave ma memoire sale...
and I remember leaning in to kiss you,
in the quiet space of the room at night
when being awake is like being afloat sleep.
But your lips didn't fit to mine.
I wished they were less hindered and cautious.
........
I remember being smitten.
Talking endlessly endlessly insomniacs we...
about our happy foursome, our amoeba effect.
Healing one another, collecting yogi tea sayings, reading Rumi.
Sugar cookie tea and milk in cozy dorm rooms.
Writing platonic love songs with one another.
The thrill of new and lovely people... the kind you think you will keep forever.
Spooning for days, mood swings and romping around.
But the sooner the flame burns brightly,
the closer to embers they become.
........
Wave after wave of new and exciting people wash in and out.
Shore is filled with small glistening treasures each new wave brings.
Ebb and flow as the tide, ever circling ever seeking ever changing...
we smooth one another with each passing year
and its nice to look back on those who have come and gone..
and on those few who have stayed
and will stay
for (I hope) a very long time.
how the energy of the room felt in the moonlight.
How new and full of wonder it was.
That song was playing...
from that scene in le chansons d'amour where the two boys kiss for the first time
and it was so beautiful and sweet that we wanted to cry.
Lave, he sings, lave ma memoire sale...
and I remember leaning in to kiss you,
in the quiet space of the room at night
when being awake is like being afloat sleep.
But your lips didn't fit to mine.
I wished they were less hindered and cautious.
........
I remember being smitten.
Talking endlessly endlessly insomniacs we...
about our happy foursome, our amoeba effect.
Healing one another, collecting yogi tea sayings, reading Rumi.
Sugar cookie tea and milk in cozy dorm rooms.
Writing platonic love songs with one another.
The thrill of new and lovely people... the kind you think you will keep forever.
Spooning for days, mood swings and romping around.
But the sooner the flame burns brightly,
the closer to embers they become.
........
Wave after wave of new and exciting people wash in and out.
Shore is filled with small glistening treasures each new wave brings.
Ebb and flow as the tide, ever circling ever seeking ever changing...
we smooth one another with each passing year
and its nice to look back on those who have come and gone..
and on those few who have stayed
and will stay
for (I hope) a very long time.
little blank brain
I forget the five stones on the ground
and the hundreds in the pile
a tangle of gangling legs - and what I used to do
and the hundreds in the pile
a tangle of gangling legs - and what I used to do
outside our circle of influence
stars fly by like fearful entropy.
listen and you'll hear the swift exit of
legitimate cacophony, noise that exists
but does not linger unnecessarily, is not
for our benefit or dressing down, but sings
through the universe un-impinged by our
wants or needs. you try to handle it like a
snake that might be charmed; you know it
not. but you can hardly be blamed for
trying.
listen and you'll hear the swift exit of
legitimate cacophony, noise that exists
but does not linger unnecessarily, is not
for our benefit or dressing down, but sings
through the universe un-impinged by our
wants or needs. you try to handle it like a
snake that might be charmed; you know it
not. but you can hardly be blamed for
trying.
Pee in the Greenhouse
water heat
in a shaggy greenhouse
in some teacher’s garden.
earth clumps. dirty panes.
easy to pee. do you mind if i pee?
mind if i watch?
wow, it comes out of you in a triangle.
a spray.
it was a water fan
the twat snapped open,
closed.
in a shaggy greenhouse
in some teacher’s garden.
earth clumps. dirty panes.
easy to pee. do you mind if i pee?
mind if i watch?
wow, it comes out of you in a triangle.
a spray.
it was a water fan
the twat snapped open,
closed.
red licorice
sweet pool of red licorice trickles a small bird sanctuary in my diaphragm. washed down by helium coffee, hot coco throat, hot bewitched hand, painted against the landscape of briary cold air and a holocaust of strangers: this is almost worth it.
Hand Held Poems (Poems 4-18)
"Crush Crime," read the sign.
Zeal without prudence is like a ship adrift.
He closed his eyes and walked on, in darkness. Slim-
Jim and Johnny Cashman ran like 'ounds across the kultured kuntry.
"I-40 closed due to rock slide," read the sign.
---
But what was there to do but butt heads?
He was a rounder, a real rounder
He was around her, a real around her.
And that is where the thoughts--
Ugly as home-made sin,
The thoughts of mortality,
The pain in my chest,
In my lungs,
In my heart.
Inside the inside,
Once removed from the soul
Congestive and panged
As in maturity, loss
and Cancerous homes.
Spoken as if a crisis of mortality had
Collided with a crisis of identity?
If you hate that it happens,
Do you hate who you are?
If you accept that it happens,
Do you accept who you are;
Or, can't?
---
"Quick and dirty
is the name of the game
when it comes to
neanderthal technology,"
said the Neanderthal.
Later texting a co-worker,
"Where are the novel sentences
That have never been
spoken b4?????"
---
I'm sorry but I thought you was corn.
---
"Exi-caliente, hombre-lita!
And tell me,
After that,
did you have sex?
Did you put the quail-egg
Under your shirt--
Under her skirt?"
"No," I says and takes my pickled asparagus
and leaves.
---
Birthday Poem
Hope fades
and by what I said last night:
I meant that my life is a bore,
As her chin moved stage-left ever so,
Ever so slightly, as if to withdraw
Into her own private sadness.
---
And once the girl on the shore
With the scarf
Once she wrote me,
"How do we hold them all,
The ones,
How do we hold them all so close?"
---
Conversation poems;
Do you get it or no, like
Figuring out how to make the
Number ten ("10") come after the number
nine ("9") on a note stored in a BlackBerry.
Or 11, for that matter.
---
Time passes differently
In prison with the white walls, or;
Love Like The Memory of
Black Letters on a White Wall.
---
Trying not to
Smoke today
in honor of vitimin C
Und all the angels in heaven
Lost in Haiti
Like last-night? There was
This gorgeous southern belle
You know the type--hair in three big
Swoops--on in the front and one
To each side. Healthy and well in her
Pomp and circumstance.
---
To my hand clings the beer
Cozy, long for which I had sought.
---
The three laws of thermo-dynamics
Are closely related to questions like,
What's the point of living,
Seriously, what's the point to life:
You can't win,
You loose heat
You can never escape
the entropy.
He was a knight, a science perv
Who could handle his muscat
adroitly--lord of the mechanical domain
Master of liquid dynamics
And ballistics.
---
Dark poem; Or, Forgetful Depression
Seventeenth in cycle
If mortality is a thing to be afraid of
Carry on--comfort found in the,
"For I know not an unreal fear."
An then it's gone,
The point,
Gone the way of the point
Jurrasic point jurassic?
To be sure
(What was it again?)
That heart of the matter
Is I couldn't quite recall
---
My god, it's been 5 days?
This isn't poetry but
Compulsory verbiage
Verbage to the tune of garbage
E-I, E-I OOooh
Fits more aptly
Than fits--frustrated fits
Of a day when he no longer must serve
The edge of Europa at
The prison with the fights and the dirt--
The prisoners and the grubs.
Free at last was Monday, king's day
But, O must I count the ways, dear?
---
Poem for 24 JAN 2009, 9:04 AM
As I stood there
Remembered vicariously, only
through boredom
And the burnt orange nude, reclined
On that shitty-soft manila paper.
It was this morning
I went for a walk in Tivoli Bays,
Found the tracks and followed'em
Down the river to the slaughter house.
Once we walked and kissed
Jars of whiskey, there,
against the cold,
against the night,
against ourselves,
held.
Maybe the frame would bring you back,
See things in a different light. The wrapping
and folding--
The wooden stick, whittled
The tag cautions: "Pointy."
Exclamation in parenthesis
Thought it would amuse--
Bring you like a vampire back from the dead
Unkilling with all the garlic hands and feet.
Suddenly just is the day's lament.
Zeal without prudence is like a ship adrift.
He closed his eyes and walked on, in darkness. Slim-
Jim and Johnny Cashman ran like 'ounds across the kultured kuntry.
"I-40 closed due to rock slide," read the sign.
---
But what was there to do but butt heads?
He was a rounder, a real rounder
He was around her, a real around her.
And that is where the thoughts--
Ugly as home-made sin,
The thoughts of mortality,
The pain in my chest,
In my lungs,
In my heart.
Inside the inside,
Once removed from the soul
Congestive and panged
As in maturity, loss
and Cancerous homes.
Spoken as if a crisis of mortality had
Collided with a crisis of identity?
If you hate that it happens,
Do you hate who you are?
If you accept that it happens,
Do you accept who you are;
Or, can't?
---
"Quick and dirty
is the name of the game
when it comes to
neanderthal technology,"
said the Neanderthal.
Later texting a co-worker,
"Where are the novel sentences
That have never been
spoken b4?????"
---
I'm sorry but I thought you was corn.
---
"Exi-caliente, hombre-lita!
And tell me,
After that,
did you have sex?
Did you put the quail-egg
Under your shirt--
Under her skirt?"
"No," I says and takes my pickled asparagus
and leaves.
---
Birthday Poem
Hope fades
and by what I said last night:
I meant that my life is a bore,
As her chin moved stage-left ever so,
Ever so slightly, as if to withdraw
Into her own private sadness.
---
And once the girl on the shore
With the scarf
Once she wrote me,
"How do we hold them all,
The ones,
How do we hold them all so close?"
---
Conversation poems;
Do you get it or no, like
Figuring out how to make the
Number ten ("10") come after the number
nine ("9") on a note stored in a BlackBerry.
Or 11, for that matter.
---
Time passes differently
In prison with the white walls, or;
Love Like The Memory of
Black Letters on a White Wall.
---
Trying not to
Smoke today
in honor of vitimin C
Und all the angels in heaven
Lost in Haiti
Like last-night? There was
This gorgeous southern belle
You know the type--hair in three big
Swoops--on in the front and one
To each side. Healthy and well in her
Pomp and circumstance.
---
To my hand clings the beer
Cozy, long for which I had sought.
---
The three laws of thermo-dynamics
Are closely related to questions like,
What's the point of living,
Seriously, what's the point to life:
You can't win,
You loose heat
You can never escape
the entropy.
He was a knight, a science perv
Who could handle his muscat
adroitly--lord of the mechanical domain
Master of liquid dynamics
And ballistics.
---
Dark poem; Or, Forgetful Depression
Seventeenth in cycle
If mortality is a thing to be afraid of
Carry on--comfort found in the,
"For I know not an unreal fear."
An then it's gone,
The point,
Gone the way of the point
Jurrasic point jurassic?
To be sure
(What was it again?)
That heart of the matter
Is I couldn't quite recall
---
My god, it's been 5 days?
This isn't poetry but
Compulsory verbiage
Verbage to the tune of garbage
E-I, E-I OOooh
Fits more aptly
Than fits--frustrated fits
Of a day when he no longer must serve
The edge of Europa at
The prison with the fights and the dirt--
The prisoners and the grubs.
Free at last was Monday, king's day
But, O must I count the ways, dear?
---
Poem for 24 JAN 2009, 9:04 AM
As I stood there
Remembered vicariously, only
through boredom
And the burnt orange nude, reclined
On that shitty-soft manila paper.
It was this morning
I went for a walk in Tivoli Bays,
Found the tracks and followed'em
Down the river to the slaughter house.
Once we walked and kissed
Jars of whiskey, there,
against the cold,
against the night,
against ourselves,
held.
Maybe the frame would bring you back,
See things in a different light. The wrapping
and folding--
The wooden stick, whittled
The tag cautions: "Pointy."
Exclamation in parenthesis
Thought it would amuse--
Bring you like a vampire back from the dead
Unkilling with all the garlic hands and feet.
Suddenly just is the day's lament.
this (sage bush) we name
we're
in a rainstorm
squirting
out the answer.
about to
get the money.
new
words came back to me
from the
melons
of the basin:
the free canals,
the virtually still mouth,
the river burst across ancient lava -
would make giant every other
(a collaboration with Guess Stardust)
in a rainstorm
squirting
out the answer.
about to
get the money.
new
words came back to me
from the
melons
of the basin:
the free canals,
the virtually still mouth,
the river burst across ancient lava -
would make giant every other
(a collaboration with Guess Stardust)
time and all his messengers
One day alone I made it mine by eating candy and then chips and then an apple and that was my 3 meal day. Salt is like songs, it gets me going and then it gets me sick. I guess for some it’s sugar that does the trick.
stinky mattress
now my mattress smells just like your old house,
smoke, mold, mouse urine,
this would be funny to tell you about,
but you're dead, and the
house smell normalcy you ruled has given way
to decay, a yellow condemned, maryanne,
someone told me your disease was a new life-form
and now it's growing within me
smoke, mold, mouse urine,
this would be funny to tell you about,
but you're dead, and the
house smell normalcy you ruled has given way
to decay, a yellow condemned, maryanne,
someone told me your disease was a new life-form
and now it's growing within me
pain folly
horrible rampage
like a jungle
razed
like a dead skinhead
I am putting words in bad places for the death of it.
if no one loved you
would you stop.
+
this morning I
shot
the Zach Galifianakis renting the inside of my head
the one who ranted "shit shit shit"
and swept an arm across my desk.
I filled vases with waterflowers
made beds, bit nails,
set fire to curtains
still the lug shrieked ugly,
til I stood up. smiled and
kablam
it was
too easy
to guess
what he
was full of
like a jungle
razed
like a dead skinhead
I am putting words in bad places for the death of it.
if no one loved you
would you stop.
+
this morning I
shot
the Zach Galifianakis renting the inside of my head
the one who ranted "shit shit shit"
and swept an arm across my desk.
I filled vases with waterflowers
made beds, bit nails,
set fire to curtains
still the lug shrieked ugly,
til I stood up. smiled and
kablam
it was
too easy
to guess
what he
was full of
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Plee
When we rely on machines
we rely on other people.
We rely on other people
when we cannot rely on ourselves.
Commodification of religion.
Commodification of death--jeez!
Someone take me camping.
we rely on other people.
We rely on other people
when we cannot rely on ourselves.
Commodification of religion.
Commodification of death--jeez!
Someone take me camping.
garden party
all the good ladies
lie down in the grass
everyone's skin smells of bread
the boys are all barely awake
they look sick and are too warm
they hop over you and want to get away
get away!
we've stopped having fun.
my eyes feel creaky.
That can only mean I've been weeping again,
and here I am, not even knowing
you think you're tired, mr. so and so?
oh no, stop right there
think about me and how none of my objects work
all of my sisters resting
all of my resting suitors
all of my sisters resisting
all of these -
these goddamned beautiful birch trees
and that great fucking lake
lie down in the grass
everyone's skin smells of bread
the boys are all barely awake
they look sick and are too warm
they hop over you and want to get away
get away!
we've stopped having fun.
my eyes feel creaky.
That can only mean I've been weeping again,
and here I am, not even knowing
you think you're tired, mr. so and so?
oh no, stop right there
think about me and how none of my objects work
all of my sisters resting
all of my resting suitors
all of my sisters resisting
all of these -
these goddamned beautiful birch trees
and that great fucking lake
moving day approaches
25 months at 946
egg shell beige walls, the red trim and turquoise doors we painted ourselves
wooden floors that never seemed clean enough
the occasional whiff of cat pee
"Goddamn it Ritchie!" on the other side of the wall
that was the home i loved and missed
3 months at 1345
the tiny counters, linoleum floors and cabinets that are made for my 6'5 lover
the bathroom not big enough for the litter box
and the heat that does not seem to work
the kids who climb up the side of the building to peek in my window
the teens who creep onto my porch to smoke grass
this is not my home
it feels like i never really unpacked
yet here i am packing it all up
265
my future home
new borough
new life
cozy couch
i think i'll like it here
egg shell beige walls, the red trim and turquoise doors we painted ourselves
wooden floors that never seemed clean enough
the occasional whiff of cat pee
"Goddamn it Ritchie!" on the other side of the wall
that was the home i loved and missed
3 months at 1345
the tiny counters, linoleum floors and cabinets that are made for my 6'5 lover
the bathroom not big enough for the litter box
and the heat that does not seem to work
the kids who climb up the side of the building to peek in my window
the teens who creep onto my porch to smoke grass
this is not my home
it feels like i never really unpacked
yet here i am packing it all up
265
my future home
new borough
new life
cozy couch
i think i'll like it here
advice from dad (taken)
start with the smallest mistake
breathe in and say
" "
again&again
(not) the end
breathe in and say
" "
again&again
(not) the end
4:30 in January
where the light grows white above the
Brooklyn rooftops and behind the branches
signaling vigilance. my eyes sink with the
sun, my heart rallies to capture the day
before it is gone - there are too many endings
but less than beginnings; nothing ceases
that has not first got a start. don't tell me not
to fight the night.
I'm not there yet.
Brooklyn rooftops and behind the branches
signaling vigilance. my eyes sink with the
sun, my heart rallies to capture the day
before it is gone - there are too many endings
but less than beginnings; nothing ceases
that has not first got a start. don't tell me not
to fight the night.
I'm not there yet.
tails and heads look up
moved among left behindsthought best of intentions
the tour guide knew so much
he was not afraid of the sticky traps
but for us or for something not seen
he picked a strand from the ceiling
dangled in front of our eyes
he told us things we wondered about
like the glowing was from the worm's butt
and not the beads dropped from there
one by one
and like they were watching us
like we were watching them
pigeons and lamps
remember that time we lost our pajamas? You looked like a giant mammoth, naked body walking around the house in a frog and tether sleepingbag. Tequila. drink it till your head smooshes into holiness. pastry dough cement. lick your lips, its settled, lets get married and forget the economic crisis. we have each other to slide under like baby rocket ships.
your scent seals wild fruit.
grueling loopstation, sunset peals off your rotating lemonade head. an archangel humps the floor on TGIF friday nights and we watch like moo moos.
dung pony eyes and we are out on the loose! grapple with my secret and I''l lie you down into the floor, seaside.
I Wish I Was Him
I finally get out and
I am out now so
I sit and wonder who all
The people really are
There are beautiful noses, long
Faces that sweep the street
With some sort of smart
I believe in but perhaps
Also invented
Can I have a slice of Hawiian?
I’m sorry, we only serve Pizza here.
I am out now so
I sit and wonder who all
The people really are
There are beautiful noses, long
Faces that sweep the street
With some sort of smart
I believe in but perhaps
Also invented
Can I have a slice of Hawiian?
I’m sorry, we only serve Pizza here.
sight is not my only sense
clouds cover the moon
looks like the moon
leaves but it only
looks that way
miles of clouds
have to pass before
i can see the moon
again looks like
the moon disappears
into the endless darkness
but it only looks that way
sight is not my only sense
clouds pass
(for my son whose delightful face once beamed like the full moon)
looks like the moon
leaves but it only
looks that way
miles of clouds
have to pass before
i can see the moon
again looks like
the moon disappears
into the endless darkness
but it only looks that way
sight is not my only sense
clouds pass
(for my son whose delightful face once beamed like the full moon)
a coupla clerihews
Barnum and Bailey
pranked each other daily.
Each other's faces they'd put a pie in,
until one got eaten by a lion.
The Brothers Wright
fought nearly every night.
They'd argue over who was better at flyin',
until one got eaten by a lion.
pranked each other daily.
Each other's faces they'd put a pie in,
until one got eaten by a lion.
The Brothers Wright
fought nearly every night.
They'd argue over who was better at flyin',
until one got eaten by a lion.
a lake pours into
the bed.
you sleep, breath like a giant whale breaths
there is an icelandic mist coming out of your nostrils and the hurtles make me laugh
rough tides of snot and drudgery from the day.
why do all things carry seemingly seamless wells?
holes in the soul.
folds in the soul.
soul in the kitchen and morning dew parts your forehead into dots
wanna
"i wanna
every
in the
gansta
poet
i dont wanna do this
i dont wanna be here
all i wanna do is
pwn noobs pwn noobs
all i wanna be is
with you with you "
every
in the
gansta
poet
i dont wanna do this
i dont wanna be here
all i wanna do is
pwn noobs pwn noobs
all i wanna be is
with you with you "
always ringing
almond milk running down your leg?!
dripping caverns YES forever
did you see anybody you knew
did you make eye contact with strangers
did you make a promise to your internet girlfriend?
every gangsta every poet every waitress every doctor every machinist every typist every mechanic every
my famous friends get to go to japan
rub the cork on my forehead
dripping caverns YES forever
did you see anybody you knew
did you make eye contact with strangers
did you make a promise to your internet girlfriend?
every gangsta every poet every waitress every doctor every machinist every typist every mechanic every
my famous friends get to go to japan
rub the cork on my forehead
Friday, January 22, 2010
In the Dark
Your lover could be anyone
The width and density of his chest
The shallow silk of his breath
The mountain range of his profile
He could be an ex-boyfriend, that fling
Or the quietly humming man on the bus
Or himself, twenty years from now
You could be any age
You could wake up in the morning
and be sixteen years old
haunted by scratchy sheets
by a dream of width and silk.
The width and density of his chest
The shallow silk of his breath
The mountain range of his profile
He could be an ex-boyfriend, that fling
Or the quietly humming man on the bus
Or himself, twenty years from now
You could be any age
You could wake up in the morning
and be sixteen years old
haunted by scratchy sheets
by a dream of width and silk.
mystery!
My thumb against the telephone
is a wet mystery
why every time i touch the two
things become slick, well...I can't imagine.
the two things both become things I don't understand
to misunderstand one's own thumb!
so go all of my days.
I used the telephone half as much as I thought I would
today
I used the telephone twice as much as I did
yesterday
I use the telephone about four fifths as much as I mean to
on the weekends
I use the telephone not nearly as much as a normal person would
at work
and all the time! my thumb!
is a wet mystery
why every time i touch the two
things become slick, well...I can't imagine.
the two things both become things I don't understand
to misunderstand one's own thumb!
so go all of my days.
I used the telephone half as much as I thought I would
today
I used the telephone twice as much as I did
yesterday
I use the telephone about four fifths as much as I mean to
on the weekends
I use the telephone not nearly as much as a normal person would
at work
and all the time! my thumb!
Optometry
Glass water eyes, cow eyes, raccoon eyes. Blinking computer eyes. Hate eyes that shade over in the middle of the fight. Deceptive little batting bashful beating eyes, got you good, gimme more eyes. Those eyes! Pregnant eyes, bulging fantasy eyes, bloated bleating bleeding eyes in the mirror shapes of expensive reflections from the glass that protects the store from the street and its traffic. Thumb press eyes. Time-tick eyes, a mile wide.
Vagina Exhibit
.
my 1st time
part of the vagina festival
(love those 2 words next to each other)
i study the vagina
portraits by myself
i clench at the
pierced ones tighten
at the old ones and odd-looking
ones i know my
face reveals a
touch of horror
and maybe some guilt for
the horror
i stay
examine these
close-ups of that
mysterious region
"down there"
..
my 2nd time
no festival this year
exhibit's in the
photographer's apartment
i go determined
to get through this and be
richer for it
there are more portraits this time
i stare at each
then leave convinced i am
overdue for a long
between-the-thighs
look in the mirror
...
my 3rd time
last chance
before the portraits become
a book's pages
i bring acceptance
and a friend
we so enjoy
commenting to each other
even more portraits this time
unfolding moments
my very large-breasted
friend i've known over 3
decades steps close and whispers
she has reason to believe she was
born with both organs
my 1st time
part of the vagina festival
(love those 2 words next to each other)
i study the vagina
portraits by myself
i clench at the
pierced ones tighten
at the old ones and odd-looking
ones i know my
face reveals a
touch of horror
and maybe some guilt for
the horror
i stay
examine these
close-ups of that
mysterious region
"down there"
..
my 2nd time
no festival this year
exhibit's in the
photographer's apartment
i go determined
to get through this and be
richer for it
there are more portraits this time
i stare at each
then leave convinced i am
overdue for a long
between-the-thighs
look in the mirror
...
my 3rd time
last chance
before the portraits become
a book's pages
i bring acceptance
and a friend
we so enjoy
commenting to each other
even more portraits this time
unfolding moments
my very large-breasted
friend i've known over 3
decades steps close and whispers
she has reason to believe she was
born with both organs
soapy memory
almond heart running down my legs. soft crinkle raspberry dough sky,cloudy asparagus lamps drizzling snowflakes over my cracked bosom. lions undress, it is the new year and running hyenas lure the night into their eyes.
-----
its possible all things have fallen.
rice falling from eyes like teary moon chasms, toothless gaps leave my head jaded with growth greenery.
Scarlet feet have fallen from each glacier, the saw sings like a monument and dusk is debris.
We wait in the wash of soupy garments, soapy memory.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
"I'm At the Printshop Doing a Bunch of Stuff I Didn't Mean To Do"
"I'm still at the printshop. I can't believe I'm still
at the printshop. I've been here for 10 hours."
Oh. Motivation.
at the printshop. I've been here for 10 hours."
Oh. Motivation.
unexpected
devastating blooms
erupting from barren stalks
in January
rupture our serene
calculations of the probable
the pansy
the curly carpeted-foliage of the alyssum
sparked throughout with white accents
the orange-or-lemon tree in our
work window opening the first
blossom in two years
when water had seemed to fall
unreceived we felt winter
unending
but now? one might wake
to any surprise
and does
erupting from barren stalks
in January
rupture our serene
calculations of the probable
the pansy
the curly carpeted-foliage of the alyssum
sparked throughout with white accents
the orange-or-lemon tree in our
work window opening the first
blossom in two years
when water had seemed to fall
unreceived we felt winter
unending
but now? one might wake
to any surprise
and does
catch me between
your pinkie finger
and your thumb,
between the lies that I love,
the silver-tipped green grasses
in the space between your
nouns and verbs
words you didn't say
falling
between your tongue
and crooked teeth
your white ghosts
your grey ones
the sunlight on your shoulders,
the rain on your back
find me here.
Heavy sleepers
Heavy sleepers desu.
The u is silent
like the still life moving slow
of men on mats and sleeping
and blankets left to make mountains
or rolled up
with out them.
One reads for a little while,
but doesn't last long.
The u is silent
like the still life moving slow
of men on mats and sleeping
and blankets left to make mountains
or rolled up
with out them.
One reads for a little while,
but doesn't last long.
Almost
The other part of the room is where
the things that didn't happen stay.
It takes time to see that they are almost there
looking from the side the way it is.
the things that didn't happen stay.
It takes time to see that they are almost there
looking from the side the way it is.
On body press
Look where you're looking
to see me.
There are bodies pulling apart
behind you
because they made them.
A long ponytail hangs
on near your shoulder blades naked.
You press the camera closer to you
and look farther away.
to see me.
There are bodies pulling apart
behind you
because they made them.
A long ponytail hangs
on near your shoulder blades naked.
You press the camera closer to you
and look farther away.
In a movement towards
When teeth align
there will be no more fights
within.
Connection of one to the other
produces a sweet nectar
near unknown.
there will be no more fights
within.
Connection of one to the other
produces a sweet nectar
near unknown.
when do we hear phorkyas' epilogue
i've known you in my life, o goethe
o poem sorcerer, pagan mystic,
du übersinnlicher sinnlicher freier,
i've known, i've read your silent direction
for poetic structure to tame the subject,
because ein Mägdelein can nasführet dich
this is what i tell myself: structure,
but i always break the rules
mostly cuz i like the way it feels
structure and subject
structure and form
now this is the author wearing the mask,
putting on the mask of poems and letting letters
create a world which is not,
but is very easy to believe in.
a cloud of poems,
the shroud of fiction,
a wig of lies—
he is called destroyer,
and liar, wearing a poodle's skin
the spirit of eternal negation
an excellent lutist, always talking,
(parlour trick) illusionist, (terrible) gambler,
impotent romancer,
part of the power Die stets
das Boese will
und stets das Gute schafft.
so then what happens,
when Helen of Troy evaporates,
and Phorkyas takes off her mask?
o poem sorcerer, pagan mystic,
du übersinnlicher sinnlicher freier,
i've known, i've read your silent direction
for poetic structure to tame the subject,
because ein Mägdelein can nasführet dich
this is what i tell myself: structure,
but i always break the rules
mostly cuz i like the way it feels
structure and subject
structure and form
now this is the author wearing the mask,
putting on the mask of poems and letting letters
create a world which is not,
but is very easy to believe in.
a cloud of poems,
the shroud of fiction,
a wig of lies—
he is called destroyer,
and liar, wearing a poodle's skin
the spirit of eternal negation
an excellent lutist, always talking,
(parlour trick) illusionist, (terrible) gambler,
impotent romancer,
part of the power Die stets
das Boese will
und stets das Gute schafft.
so then what happens,
when Helen of Troy evaporates,
and Phorkyas takes off her mask?
re: sheets
i was just sitting here,
minding my own business,
and then i could smell you,
your scent somewhere,
in my room, on my things
how long had it been.
minding my own business,
and then i could smell you,
your scent somewhere,
in my room, on my things
how long had it been.
i had a dream last night
i saw a man approaching school
immediately knew he was a murdering pedophile
i saw him coming across the yard
all i could do was yell,
"pedophile pedophile pedophile pedophile"
at first no one listened
but as i sped across the grass they turned and followed
i tried to get to the door before him
he beat me inside without breaking his slow stride
i went in after him and attacked him
more joined in
we might've killed him
but then i woke up.
i saw a man approaching school
immediately knew he was a murdering pedophile
i saw him coming across the yard
all i could do was yell,
"pedophile pedophile pedophile pedophile"
at first no one listened
but as i sped across the grass they turned and followed
i tried to get to the door before him
he beat me inside without breaking his slow stride
i went in after him and attacked him
more joined in
we might've killed him
but then i woke up.
I gchatted with Emma earlier
When I asked her,
Emma said to go and look at blank things.
my cheek against the floor, i felt aligned but overdressed,
wanted a bamboo temperature,
one sweaterless second.
Alas, it was not to be. Today was a day for walking two feet
and stopping
and wa -
and stopping.
Today was a day for looking at blank things.
Emma said to go and look at blank things.
my cheek against the floor, i felt aligned but overdressed,
wanted a bamboo temperature,
one sweaterless second.
Alas, it was not to be. Today was a day for walking two feet
and stopping
and wa -
and stopping.
Today was a day for looking at blank things.
Cafeteria
Small coffee
light across it
some music titillates
o striped light, precious and expensive snacks
in tempting glass! o café,
grace of café.
light across it
some music titillates
o striped light, precious and expensive snacks
in tempting glass! o café,
grace of café.
Raindrops, Leaves, Poems
Moments, Skin, Light
Words, Kisses, Breakfasts
Dust, Junk Mail, Teacups
Old Shoes, Dads, Blood Cells
Billions and Billions of Them
Piled Up
Meaning Nothing
Meaning Everything
"I believe in everything; nothing is sacred
I believe in nothing; everything is sacred."
-Tom Robbins
Words, Kisses, Breakfasts
Dust, Junk Mail, Teacups
Old Shoes, Dads, Blood Cells
Billions and Billions of Them
Piled Up
Meaning Nothing
Meaning Everything
"I believe in everything; nothing is sacred
I believe in nothing; everything is sacred."
-Tom Robbins
errrebody's getting ril tired
of the safety of the hand job
woa woa woa
danger
i feel the biological imperative wanting endless the end,
hello old friend, you brought those crazy feelings with you
should i hit you, and it was exciting, tied up, biting, excited!
excited!
but you might have aids
from where does this feeling come?
from whom did i inherit this fear?
on the train reading ballard he talks about the semen dripping out
of the safety of the hand job
woa woa woa
danger
i feel the biological imperative wanting endless the end,
hello old friend, you brought those crazy feelings with you
should i hit you, and it was exciting, tied up, biting, excited!
excited!
but you might have aids
from where does this feeling come?
from whom did i inherit this fear?
on the train reading ballard he talks about the semen dripping out
Dad
On your knees
dropping a bolt into the hubcap with a clang
blood leaks from your ripped finger
Go wait where it's dry, you tell us,
Your glasses shining with raindrops
dropping a bolt into the hubcap with a clang
blood leaks from your ripped finger
Go wait where it's dry, you tell us,
Your glasses shining with raindrops
Affirmation 2011
Diction. Your name has been.
I used to see you. Someone flipped
a switch and now you just know
how to do it. A year is a long time--
I know what I'm looking for.
I used to see you. Someone flipped
a switch and now you just know
how to do it. A year is a long time--
I know what I'm looking for.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Dad
one night
no ceiling
two bears
I trace one little
you trace one tall
on a sky as big as you were
all stars pointing North
cheap rug
Got no plans
outside of a year
palm down through musty carpet
held on with upturned nails
press, gravel blood hands
sideways at the mirror
forever plastic edge,
sugar hair
outside of a year
palm down through musty carpet
held on with upturned nails
press, gravel blood hands
sideways at the mirror
forever plastic edge,
sugar hair
8 beats to a measure
the stapled ceiling
the fettered tiles
the cluttered feeling
the leaning walls
the indignation
the laughter cries
the muffed oblation
the stuttered sighs
the fettered tiles
the cluttered feeling
the leaning walls
the indignation
the laughter cries
the muffed oblation
the stuttered sighs
one
we are of the same mind
it was that good
it is clear as mom's best Swarovski why
the sparkling, glittering stars
the burning sign of fire
a breadth of knowledge, intellect
a flurry of stimulus
wild, lusty, totally fantastic
eternal optimists
philosophical, social
head over hearts
giggles in between
passionate, super, normal and natural
sensations like never before
pleasing beyond expectations
plethora of surprises
told it would be dangerous
never mentioned euphoric
should have been forewarned
it was that good
it is clear as mom's best Swarovski why
the sparkling, glittering stars
the burning sign of fire
a breadth of knowledge, intellect
a flurry of stimulus
wild, lusty, totally fantastic
eternal optimists
philosophical, social
head over hearts
giggles in between
passionate, super, normal and natural
sensations like never before
pleasing beyond expectations
plethora of surprises
told it would be dangerous
never mentioned euphoric
should have been forewarned
:)_))))$$$$cash NOLAG---$$$
i want the best
this mystery IS so dumb
SHIT this mystery is so dumb
and i want the best
for this fucking SO DUMB MYSTERY
this mystery IS so dumb
SHIT this mystery is so dumb
and i want the best
for this fucking SO DUMB MYSTERY
Exchangeling
just got back from my petition,
did i tell you, before the eldritch counsel.
they said never.
they said petitioning is very,
very human.
did i tell you, before the eldritch counsel.
they said never.
they said petitioning is very,
very human.
Tumor
Did I make you?
And what is I?
you came back
were buried under a forsythia bush in the backyard
a cross of balsa wood and felt above you
with hamsters, a parakeet
your hair, oilspit, teeth
brain…
what would have been me
and was me made
and there not smiling
me
muckburied
in breast
you
disc of muscleknot
jellycenter
grinning
you
grinning you
I made you
my me conspired to make you
resurrected
and here
dust and heavy night
insides slow and thinking
more than thinking
tomorrow is Thursday
and I am sleepless and full
And what is I?
you came back
were buried under a forsythia bush in the backyard
a cross of balsa wood and felt above you
with hamsters, a parakeet
your hair, oilspit, teeth
brain…
what would have been me
and was me made
and there not smiling
me
muckburied
in breast
you
disc of muscleknot
jellycenter
grinning
you
grinning you
I made you
my me conspired to make you
resurrected
and here
dust and heavy night
insides slow and thinking
more than thinking
tomorrow is Thursday
and I am sleepless and full
gross
LIVING ROOM.
rat
rat
hole
hole
rat
up the vacuum cleaner
rats
hole hole
vase
hole
rat
(upright)
hole
man barefoot
door
r--hole man again
door to kitchen.
man doorway to kitchen.
man doorway to kitchen.
man...
..door but really doorway..
..rat? MAN WITH BLADE
HOLE HOLE
BLADE
HOLE hole hole HOLE hole
man with red blade
door to kitchen
rat
rat
hole
hole
rat
up the vacuum cleaner
rats
hole hole
vase
hole
rat
(upright)
hole
man barefoot
door
r--hole man again
door to kitchen.
man doorway to kitchen.
man doorway to kitchen.
man...
..door but really doorway..
..rat? MAN WITH BLADE
HOLE HOLE
BLADE
HOLE hole hole HOLE hole
man with red blade
door to kitchen
dressed for work
damp pants damp shirt
shirt thighs what is going on
it's cold forever and forever colder after all the sweat
terror and boredom mostly
and outfits
especially outfits, foreign things
approaching from outside and engulfing
outfit nightmare outfit apocalypse
outfit ether outfit chloroform
who is outside outfit? not me!
I'm in outfit struggling you should have seen
me on the weekend
shirt thighs what is going on
it's cold forever and forever colder after all the sweat
terror and boredom mostly
and outfits
especially outfits, foreign things
approaching from outside and engulfing
outfit nightmare outfit apocalypse
outfit ether outfit chloroform
who is outside outfit? not me!
I'm in outfit struggling you should have seen
me on the weekend
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Outlet Malls are America’s number one travel destination and the scariest hours are the ones where the light is in change. The Kingston Mall always has the most beautiful view, it seems. Every time we ever left that Target the sky was on fire. There was an exhaustion, a dehydration, a vitamin deficiency, an adrenaline hang over, a euphoria migraine. All love and all embarrassment.
The Possibility of Belief
Everyone says
"Thank you for making this etc possible."
In which case "possible" means "it already happened."
Isn't that weird?
"Thank you for making this etc possible."
In which case "possible" means "it already happened."
Isn't that weird?
la fine della resistenza
in the last light, I feel my back gathered
solid stoic stiff as a board as if braced against
what is to come
they say when it is too painful to stay, at last,
at last, we go
so I'll dial this phone number, my feet will
extend and reach one step upon another
to get to your door, to greet your stranger's face
to listen to my own voice and the scratch of your pen
maybe you'll have a window I'll look out
I had to get as old as Jesus to get here - the
willingness to die in order to be born again isn't
something I come to easy
be gentle if you can
solid stoic stiff as a board as if braced against
what is to come
they say when it is too painful to stay, at last,
at last, we go
so I'll dial this phone number, my feet will
extend and reach one step upon another
to get to your door, to greet your stranger's face
to listen to my own voice and the scratch of your pen
maybe you'll have a window I'll look out
I had to get as old as Jesus to get here - the
willingness to die in order to be born again isn't
something I come to easy
be gentle if you can
eggplant power
the awakening of the chrysanthemum wasn't exactly what I would call regular-person talk. In fact, people hardly understood what I was saying. I stared and pointed and yelled into the yellow crator of yarn and pastries but no one took notice of the logic, they just kept looking for their bear skinned caps to keep themselves warm. It wasn't the most natural day. colliflower jewel. eggplant power.
SIXTEEN
Brian and I walking down Lower Unionville Road.
Where the road bends, night falls
like a guillotine and our heads go rolling
down toward better reception.
I write simple letters to Grandpa Allen
in New Mexico, saying
I'm doing well in school and playing tennis,
but in secret I'm writing
an indecipherable manuscript about a boy
who almost dies cliff-diving
and decides to abandon his humdrum routine
of stifling schooldays and lonely afternoons
to chase an unattainable poetic existence.
Where the road bends, night falls
like a guillotine and our heads go rolling
down toward better reception.
I write simple letters to Grandpa Allen
in New Mexico, saying
I'm doing well in school and playing tennis,
but in secret I'm writing
an indecipherable manuscript about a boy
who almost dies cliff-diving
and decides to abandon his humdrum routine
of stifling schooldays and lonely afternoons
to chase an unattainable poetic existence.
You breathe electric
tugging at
the wrinkled corners
of my skirt
catching me on those edges
of the eye
where your waters
meet land,
turn around.
I could let this go,
wash my hands with
sky,
ignore this tectonic
movment.
A quiet all my own.
J.S.
i wasn't expecting an apology
i wasn't expecting a hug
what a surprise
when you leaned on me
when we linked arms
when you held my hand
i gotta tell ya
i wasn't expecting much.
i wasn't expecting a hug
what a surprise
when you leaned on me
when we linked arms
when you held my hand
i gotta tell ya
i wasn't expecting much.
On Alexandra Jacoby's Paintings
she takes the beige
high rise & steel bridge
gives them rich
color subtle
curves
thick
textures
makes these angular
structures relatable
to the most feminine among us
high rise & steel bridge
gives them rich
color subtle
curves
thick
textures
makes these angular
structures relatable
to the most feminine among us
Malushka
She's the beauty of the world and looks at you:
startles you from blindness.
Nice
as only princesses and queens:
cream
of the milk of human kindness
startles you from blindness.
Nice
as only princesses and queens:
cream
of the milk of human kindness
Goddess Song
Oh Mother
Little bird lover
Creator of song
Curving hips
Your sensuous lips
Mother of all
One by one
with a rib and guns
they took your power
and gave it away
Letter by letter
turned scales into feathers
Misled by Yahweh
Oh Mother
Cherry blossom lover
Dreamer of spring
Why do they hate us
When they want to mate with us
Ever since the Fall?
Apples and curiosity
What a monstrosity
They took it all
Oh Mother
Purple plum lover
Generous summer
Flowing hair
and the strength to bear
Children and men
Please forgive us
We were misled
about what God said
from his lonely bed
Goddess it's sad but true
We didn't know that we missed you
We just knew something was wrong...
Little bird lover
Creator of song
Curving hips
Your sensuous lips
Mother of all
One by one
with a rib and guns
they took your power
and gave it away
Letter by letter
turned scales into feathers
Misled by Yahweh
Oh Mother
Cherry blossom lover
Dreamer of spring
Why do they hate us
When they want to mate with us
Ever since the Fall?
Apples and curiosity
What a monstrosity
They took it all
Oh Mother
Purple plum lover
Generous summer
Flowing hair
and the strength to bear
Children and men
Please forgive us
We were misled
about what God said
from his lonely bed
Goddess it's sad but true
We didn't know that we missed you
We just knew something was wrong...
mm...
alone at last
go up in smoke
away from fields on barley choke.
all newly churned
and lover- spurned
to make eccentric riddles.
away along at last, my love
come take a song and break, my dove
the hours counting eyes awake
may shake and quake and bellyache...
but we both know
that rain or snow
we'll help to keep the barley grow.
go up in smoke
away from fields on barley choke.
all newly churned
and lover- spurned
to make eccentric riddles.
away along at last, my love
come take a song and break, my dove
the hours counting eyes awake
may shake and quake and bellyache...
but we both know
that rain or snow
we'll help to keep the barley grow.
Purgatory
On a wide blue porch
blazed by a sun that will never go down
going in for a drink
back out to sit in the sun
going in when the sun is too bright
coming back out to watch the endless sunset
playing a song
and playing it again
Time never passes.
It's still now.
blazed by a sun that will never go down
going in for a drink
back out to sit in the sun
going in when the sun is too bright
coming back out to watch the endless sunset
playing a song
and playing it again
Time never passes.
It's still now.
Untitled
The night is upon me quiet and still
Alone on my bed sitting
Many things which surround me
have no feeling or soul
but thankful I am for the love of children
though they're not my own
children do love
but who can love more
than one who will give everything
though my defects He knows
Alone on my bed sitting
Many things which surround me
have no feeling or soul
but thankful I am for the love of children
though they're not my own
children do love
but who can love more
than one who will give everything
though my defects He knows
pool-time
like a tweezer seizing salt i have an idea. raccoon order in the dusk makes me forget the sunset. your dancey ignorance makes me swim down manhattan.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Optimism
People become more interesting when they become interested in why they're crazy. Depressive realism is an attractive idea. "It's going to take a long time" would be better understood as, "That it has the potential to take a long time demands appropriate patience." I haven't read Candide, but in it, Pangloss says "Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable." It may be necessary constantly to revue accurately one's history in order to fully understand and contextualize one's present emotional state.
a maiden in the flower of youth
Once I had a long rest
i planned to pursue my fortune
the sun was high and then low again
I had a very long rest
long enough that i would be able to do something after
gray clouds brightened and dimmed
I thought "I am taking care of myself"
it was the first step.
I was sweaty for a while, and then cool
When I am old, I will reread this and know what went wrong
i planned to pursue my fortune
the sun was high and then low again
I had a very long rest
long enough that i would be able to do something after
gray clouds brightened and dimmed
I thought "I am taking care of myself"
it was the first step.
I was sweaty for a while, and then cool
When I am old, I will reread this and know what went wrong
Day 18
warm soft black cat . stays nice .
watches my watching . falling in place .
heart goes mush . enmeshed . pressed .
comfy can contort to my deepening breath .
to the core . in love with this moment .
as he is . as she is . tucked under the
blanket . hiding in ecstasy . she .
waits on my waiting . passive . ly
watches my watching . falling in place .
heart goes mush . enmeshed . pressed .
comfy can contort to my deepening breath .
to the core . in love with this moment .
as he is . as she is . tucked under the
blanket . hiding in ecstasy . she .
waits on my waiting . passive . ly
about time
cyclical philanderings
were his unapologetic style - minimally apologetic
style. and she was old enough in her youth
to expect no more, but you
read her her rights, you
arrested her attention, and filled her with the glory of her being.
were his unapologetic style - minimally apologetic
style. and she was old enough in her youth
to expect no more, but you
read her her rights, you
arrested her attention, and filled her with the glory of her being.
after scent
i can still smell you on my sheets
i should wash them after what we did
but then you'd be gone
and who knows when i'll see you again
so instead i'll press my nose against the cotton
close my eyes and inhale
and pretend you're still right here next to me.
i should wash them after what we did
but then you'd be gone
and who knows when i'll see you again
so instead i'll press my nose against the cotton
close my eyes and inhale
and pretend you're still right here next to me.
THIRTY
A shoebox full of broken promises
a half inch of contaminated topsoil
a night sky, inky and orange
scraps of burned meat on the barbecue grate
a tunnel transporting groans and squeaks
a swallow's nest in the broken eaves
a hole in the chain link fence by the river.
I've been doing everything one-handed
stubborn and half-asleep
a thousand unopened messages
unshaven, stumbling through blacked-out streets
no car keys, no wallet
a pen and notebook in my pocket
I have no idea how I got here.
a half inch of contaminated topsoil
a night sky, inky and orange
scraps of burned meat on the barbecue grate
a tunnel transporting groans and squeaks
a swallow's nest in the broken eaves
a hole in the chain link fence by the river.
I've been doing everything one-handed
stubborn and half-asleep
a thousand unopened messages
unshaven, stumbling through blacked-out streets
no car keys, no wallet
a pen and notebook in my pocket
I have no idea how I got here.
Grrrm
Lying in bed, as before,
sweaty fingered,
really bowled over,
I feel my luck.
My luck or whatever,
escaping my skin,
hallowing windows
lining folds
of things I’ll roll in later,
wanting it back.
sweaty fingered,
really bowled over,
I feel my luck.
My luck or whatever,
escaping my skin,
hallowing windows
lining folds
of things I’ll roll in later,
wanting it back.
Roof Goddess
If you understood anything,
would you be stuck
in the corner at
a jazz club without
even a drink on
your table - the
table you co-opted
from someone else
because there's not a
seat in the place and
none of your friends
seem to be coming
and the band is not
playing either?
If these were other days,
you would pull out a cigarette
and ask for a light and
that lovely gentleman would
snap open a lighter for you.
Then you'd lean back in your chair
and pull existentially
on your cigarette and blow
coolly out, having every
reason in the world for being here.
But with no music and
no friends and no cigarette
and no drink, you're just a person
sitting at someone else's table
while they turn their back to talk
to someone they came here on purpose
to talk to.
You might be sitting in a late night jazz club forever.
It might be purgatory.
would you be stuck
in the corner at
a jazz club without
even a drink on
your table - the
table you co-opted
from someone else
because there's not a
seat in the place and
none of your friends
seem to be coming
and the band is not
playing either?
If these were other days,
you would pull out a cigarette
and ask for a light and
that lovely gentleman would
snap open a lighter for you.
Then you'd lean back in your chair
and pull existentially
on your cigarette and blow
coolly out, having every
reason in the world for being here.
But with no music and
no friends and no cigarette
and no drink, you're just a person
sitting at someone else's table
while they turn their back to talk
to someone they came here on purpose
to talk to.
You might be sitting in a late night jazz club forever.
It might be purgatory.
prematurely old
i don't go out anymore
i'm not even twenty five!
how did this happen
well
i so mature at twelve
and this old man fell in love before anyone else
now love is old and the body old man
when please i actually old
want to be old not dead
want to be old not dead
i want to be old!
NOT DEADnfuck
i'm not even twenty five!
how did this happen
well
i so mature at twelve
and this old man fell in love before anyone else
now love is old and the body old man
when please i actually old
want to be old not dead
want to be old not dead
i want to be old!
NOT DEADnfuck
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Gina's
A fleeting place to lay
Is the greatest present, see
I'll miss you room
we fought but
I forgive you.
Is the greatest present, see
I'll miss you room
we fought but
I forgive you.
unreasonable evening
Go to the seance
gun in your heart
stay up all night, itchy, holding hands.
Tomorrow we will call each other,
describe baskets of pears,
endless pears and three balls of pure love and
a thousand impossible hypotheses and also pears
umpteen pears, appearing and rotting as soon
a spirit gift, a guilty gift, a burden.
gun in your heart
stay up all night, itchy, holding hands.
Tomorrow we will call each other,
describe baskets of pears,
endless pears and three balls of pure love and
a thousand impossible hypotheses and also pears
umpteen pears, appearing and rotting as soon
a spirit gift, a guilty gift, a burden.
Drift
Scrape this hollow.
A bird in your hand,
spit in your mouth.
Love this like I do.
Prairie proud.
Sacred, this space.
Quiet your mind.
Always more tree than seed,
I remain fixed.
(#11)
a nunnery for little animals,
their dimly lit, sparse rooms and brown felt blankets.
not really timeless, not quite in touch,
comfortable and heartbroken, with windows open to clean, damp air.
their dimly lit, sparse rooms and brown felt blankets.
not really timeless, not quite in touch,
comfortable and heartbroken, with windows open to clean, damp air.
hart love
british mellow ryhming phoebe: in presence of great beauty/what is my duty?/when you feel that desiah/your eyes lite on fiah
in presence of great beauty
how have you been?
are you a bin?
can i come in?
a downgo ma nose
aupgo ma toes
atable matable
aromeo madog
amaxie mabrotha
aphoebe masista
ya
in presence of great beauty
how have you been?
are you a bin?
can i come in?
a downgo ma nose
aupgo ma toes
atable matable
aromeo madog
amaxie mabrotha
aphoebe masista
ya
Alexandra Jacoby's Vagina Exhibit 2010 (or It Always Seems To Take A Movement To Reclaim What Was Rightfully Ours To Begin With)
vagina portraits
ninety-two
real vaginas
light-skinned vaginas
hairy vaginas
shaven vaginas
stubbly vaginas
fluffy vaginas
dark-skinned vaginas
both-gendered vaginas
constructed vaginas
curvy vaginas
young vaginas
healthy vaginas
flowery vaginas
older vaginas
mutilated vaginas
intact vaginas
floppy vaginas
silver-haired vaginas
dark bushy vaginas
vagina portraits
wall-to-wall
making herstory
affecting female culture
making it normal for us
to know how our vaginas look
ninety-two
real vaginas
light-skinned vaginas
hairy vaginas
shaven vaginas
stubbly vaginas
fluffy vaginas
dark-skinned vaginas
both-gendered vaginas
constructed vaginas
curvy vaginas
young vaginas
healthy vaginas
flowery vaginas
older vaginas
mutilated vaginas
intact vaginas
floppy vaginas
silver-haired vaginas
dark bushy vaginas
vagina portraits
wall-to-wall
making herstory
affecting female culture
making it normal for us
to know how our vaginas look
Colored Crabs
I never had a common crab,
but only caught them yellow,
and one redder than red, so nobody could see,
even, they said "that’s not a crab."
but only caught them yellow,
and one redder than red, so nobody could see,
even, they said "that’s not a crab."
We're All So Fuckin' Insecure
this fine and muscular man sucks in his belly
she embraces it as area yet to kiss lick hold close
she worries about her silver roots returning
he strokes her hair, calls it her highlights
she's shy about disrobing, revealing more imperfections
her best friend assures her when pussy hair
is showing, men don't look
at varicose veins
she embraces it as area yet to kiss lick hold close
she worries about her silver roots returning
he strokes her hair, calls it her highlights
she's shy about disrobing, revealing more imperfections
her best friend assures her when pussy hair
is showing, men don't look
at varicose veins
to me
i love when you
cook for me
could be eggs
chicken
ravioli
lightly buttered toast
it's the company
that makes it
taste so good
cook for me
could be eggs
chicken
ravioli
lightly buttered toast
it's the company
that makes it
taste so good
not science fiction or rocket science
if no one
devalued women
for their sexuality
everyone
would get laid
a lot more
devalued women
for their sexuality
everyone
would get laid
a lot more
Day 17
Data is collected, by the time that I get home.
Position and proximity, regardless of where I roam.
Maybe unavoidable, by standards we don't see.
The sense of one connects us all without privacy.
Position and proximity, regardless of where I roam.
Maybe unavoidable, by standards we don't see.
The sense of one connects us all without privacy.
as Lionel Richie's "Just To Be Close To You" plays
she wears lace
her back bare
strokes her face
an' her hair
hands so warm
like his eyes
feels her form
though she shies
she wants him
squeezing tight
candles dim
feels so right
holds her strong
strong as song
her back bare
strokes her face
an' her hair
hands so warm
like his eyes
feels her form
though she shies
she wants him
squeezing tight
candles dim
feels so right
holds her strong
strong as song
he hadn't earned the right to say this
he told her she is a "case"
(as if everyone else weren't);
if he knew what was in her case,
he may have the opportunity to
see she's a miracle
(as if everyone else weren't);
if he knew what was in her case,
he may have the opportunity to
see she's a miracle
El Esposo
he used to say
an artist had to
be a narcissist.
he stopped cultivating
his painting. she was stuck
with a narcissist & no art --
just replicas of his father.
an artist had to
be a narcissist.
he stopped cultivating
his painting. she was stuck
with a narcissist & no art --
just replicas of his father.
FOUR
The colossal stegosaurus
wallops me
with his armored tail
and the marker
I'm coloring him with
flies across the room
I've been given room
to roam
and time on my own
to request that all
stuffed animals
circle up and develop a strategy
the blocks lack personality
to reign in
this imaginary monster
wallops me
with his armored tail
and the marker
I'm coloring him with
flies across the room
I've been given room
to roam
and time on my own
to request that all
stuffed animals
circle up and develop a strategy
the blocks lack personality
to reign in
this imaginary monster
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